midnightmusings

Puzzle of the week

2011-05-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

I love these jigsaw puzzles! Here's my favorite this week.

Lenny Henry is one talented comedian! LMAO

2011-03-07T15:05:00.000-08:00

We have long enjoyed Chef!, Lenny Henry's hysterical BBC short-lived series. I was looking for the series - sadly, it is no longer broadcast and one must find a DVD or a site that carries the video online - when I came across this fabulous interview he did some time ago.

Moogie and I had to listen to this several times to understand all of the words. We were laughing too hard to hear it!

I will never attend a funeral with quite the same expectations again...

Truly Madly Deeply Romance Authors

2011-03-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

Great news! I'm writing again!

Not only that, I've joined a group of fabulous authors and we're dedicating our time to providing a series of weekly free reads! Every Saturday morning, look for another short story to be released on our blog.

Eventually, there will be 26 of us, each contributing two stories a year. That's manageable for us and wonderful for you. You'll have the opportunity to sample prose and storytelling styles across a wide range.

The first series of stories is required to have a song title. I had a lot of mental angst over mine. I really, really, really wanted to do "It's Hard to Kiss The Lips at Night (That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long)". Of course, once I had given the song another listen, I couldn't get away from it!

This presented a number of problems. First of all, I tend to write dark stories. A dark story with that song title is not only just wrong, it would betray reader expectations because with that title, who would expect a dark tale? I did come up with a short story premise but...it was dark. Very dark. As in, a futuristic slave/overseer kind of dark. Not what I needed.

After I got the Notorious Cherry Bombs out of my head, I went back to my shelf of CDs.

Years ago I got the album dwightyoakamacoustic.net for Christmas. It has a lot of songs that stayed with me, and I have thought that it would be a fun project to write a story for each song. Maybe not to be published with that association and not sharing titles, but for my own interest. I'd keep that secret, while using the songs as the basis for plots and characters.

So which song would work for this project? I listened to the album a few times and afterward, Two Doors Down was the one that lingered. I'm not good at constructing short stories featuring drunks. I thought and thought about what a neighborhood bar provides and represents. Comfort, the reassurance of the predictable. But what if that is changed suddenly? When the outside intrudes, it's a wake-up call and shakes up everything. Like a kaleidoscope, then the colorful shards settle, it can well be a very different world.

Different worlds are good. I write most of my stories in different worlds. Different worlds offer a lot of opportunities to shake things up, make things up to suit my needs.

So who should be shaken up? Someone with something to hide...or to fear. It's very difficult to build a world, introduce at least two characters, throw them a curve ball to complicate their lives and resolve it all in less than 5,000 words. The reader needs to know enough to understand how much this event is pivotal, and how desperately the main character needs to maintain her equilibrium. That requires space on the page.

If the fear--and the intrusive element that complicates things--comes from the past, it can be introduced with hints and a bit of introspection from one character rather than having to be explained as it unfolds. So, the main character needs something fearful in her past that will send her into a tailspin. It's even better if at first she thinks it might be the answer to questions she has had that no one else can answer...

And thus was Two Doors Down born. It departs from the song in many ways. I couldn't redeem a drunk in that short a story, much as I'd like to. I hope it's not a betrayal of reader expectations but I KNOW it's not as much as it would have been if I'd posted a dark story with the title, "It's Hard to Kiss The Lips at Night (That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long)".

New Product Review!

2011-03-05T11:51:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, we moved to a larger house in a wonderful neighborhood. My elderly mother moved in with us (yes, I am old, older than you can imagine).

I have never been big on buying convenience foods, that are prepared in some factory by someone else's mother. However, running 3 small businesses, caring for her, running the household and over the past year, caring for Mistah Midnight, who has had some pretty serious health scares, has made me more open to buying prepared foods.

Periodically I will post here with the results of our forays into packaged, ready-to-eat stuff.

This week, in Pathmark, a dump display (that is what the industry calls the big heavy cardboard stand-alone racks) caught Moogie's eye. The dump contained a variety of SimplyAsia noodle bowls, labeled "premium natural". She loves Chinese food and is always on the lookout for a good deal. These were on sale, plus there was a $1 coupon taped to the front of the box.

She picked her flavor, spicy kung pao. It comes in a nice reusable/recyclable bowl with a lid. Inside were four packets: a large one with the noodles, one of freeze-dried vegetables, a medium packet of sauce, and another small one containing crunchy topping. The instructions are simple. Merely place the noodles in the bowl with the veggies and sauce on top. Zap it for a minute and a half, followed by standing time of another minute.

This had no protein and Moogie wanted it for dinner, so I dug some cooked shrimp out of the freezer, thawed them, heated them by pouring water over them from the InstaHot dispenser in our sink, and stirred them in when the noodle bowl was done.

Wowza, was that sauce HOT! Moogie ferreted out most of the shrimp and came looking for something else to eat. She couldn't take the heat. I ate the rest of it and it was tasty but quite spicy. (She missed three shrimp.) I liked the burn but I do like spicy foods.

Our verdict: RECOMMENDED, with high quality noodles, tasty sauce, good if you like really spicy dishes. We consider it to be FAR above Ramen but also much higher in price. I'm not sure I would pay up for this on a regular basis but then, I'm not drawing a reliable salary and I'm a penny-pincher to start with.

Me and Fah-bulous Fah-bio!

2009-03-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

Getting ready for this year's RT convention, I've been combing through my pix of previous years. I am not sure that I ever posted this anywhere, so here it is.

I was very impressed with Fabio. He not only is a huge supporter of our troops, he has no personal space whatsoever, and talk about nice - he stayed as long as anyone wanted a picture taken with him. The event organizers wanted to speed things up by having two women with him for each photo, and he flat-out refused. What a guy!

Why athletes can't get real jobs!

2008-10-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan all them kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saints running back George Rogers, when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too dadgum ugly to kiss good-bye."

The Raven Halloween Scavenger Hunt 2008!

2008-10-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

Once more, I'm part of the most fun Hallowe'en contest on the web! As always, Michelle and Mandy at The Raven Happy Hour throw one hell of a party.

Happy hunting and have fun finding new fabulous books to read!

Hugs,
Liddy

Alignment sites

2008-10-01T18:41:00.000-07:00

I've been doing some research into alignment sites. In case you're unfamiliar with the term, those are the Neolithic or megalithic prehistoric sites that are constructed so that the either the winter or summer solstice sunrise illuminates the interior.

The most famous of these in Ireland is Newgrange, which I had the great fortune to visit on a short vacation in the summer of 2004. Mistah Midnight was supposed to speak at a conference in Dublin and I went along. I lived in Europe for a year back in the '70s but never got to visit Ireland. To our surprise, although the conference was cancelled a few weeks before we were scheduled to go, the organizer still paid for his plane ticket. Gotta love that! So I had the pleasure of his company for the whole four days. And he got to see all of the sites that I would otherwise have run around and seen without him.

We stayed in Temple Bar, right near the River Liffey and within walking distance from Trinity College, where the Book of Kells is on display. Lovely!

The most important thing for me was to visit a stone circle. Since there are more stone circles in Ireland than anywhere else, it seemed an easy goal.

However, since we didn't want to rent a car and have to drive on the wrong side of the road, we lucked into discovering the bus tour to the Boyne Valley. This includes the Neolithic alignment site of Newgrange, which is surrounded by a stone circle. Woo-hoo! It was awesome, and I mean that in every sense of the word.

The other sites on the tour were Trim Castle (where Braveheart was filmed) and Tara. The hill at Tara is best known for either the stained glass window in the church or the Stone of Destiny.

My favorite place was the Sacred Spring at Tara. It's at the bottom of the hill, below the gift shop. We were the only people from the tour who walked down to it.

There is an iron gate that shields the spring itself from the local livestock, although they have access to the trickling stream that it spawns. Inside, there is a small cavern, with ferns growing above the water. I asked permission from the local spirits before I cupped my hands and drank.

The water was cool and tasted very clean. It should be, cleansed by its trip across the Atlantic and filtered as it is through the bones of warriors up on the Hill! (I spent months exploring the extent of my newfound superpowers. LOL) My only mistake was not to drink more deeply. That gives me a reason to go back.

The bus driver assured us that the water has tested perfectly clean, free of chemicals. But I knew that. LOL

I'll get the pictures up here in the next day or two. The Photo Gallery on my website isn't getting set up as fast as I'd like.

Enjoy the links and learning about alignment sites! I think one of the most fascinating is Newgrange. Amazing that there were no signs of soot from torches or candles or lamps when it was discovered in Victorian times. And the structure is still watertight, after 5,000 years.

Mistah Midnight thinks that the carvings on the portal stone are the Neolithic version of guys going down to the firehall to play poker and drink beer. The men carved spirals while they gossiped and drank beer. This made them look industrious while they hung out.

What do you think?

Getting back into the swing of things

2008-10-01T13:33:00.000-07:00

Gee, I'm horrified to realize that I haven't been blogging at all. I used to blog fairly regularly over at the Moonglade Elite Authors blog, but that site has been having lots of technical problems and hasn't been available for what seems like months.

I need to change that no-blogging thing,s o here I am.

This week, I'm participating in a Book In A Week class directed by April Kihlstrom. If you're a writer and haven't come across the concept, it's an eye-opener.

For one week, you clear the decks, prepare your storyline, gag your internal editor and spend the whole week just writing. No editing, no reading over what you've already written. Every day, just get as many words done as you can. Squeeze it in around meals, family, work, school, whatever. Pen and paper, PC, laptop, Alphasmart, anything you have access to.

The goal is to produce a first draft of a book in the week you set aside for it. Editing can be done later, when the whole story is structured and ready for the meaty work of layering in sufficient emotion, foreshadowing, action and dialogue. Make notes to yourself on index cards or use MSWord's Comments feature, which lets you embed your notes for later research right there, where it's needed.

One thing I've learned this week is that while navigating the obstacles that life throws at me, I forget how magic the cumulative totals can become when even just a little gets written each day. Writing a full page a day, anyone can finish a book in a year. Writing 1,000 words a day, I can finish a novella in a month or four books a year. Not bad!

If you writers ever get a chance to participate in April's workshop, jump at it! You'll increase your productivity for at least that week, you'll learn a lot about how you write, you'll learn about how others write, and you'll have fun.

Hugs,
Liddy

Charm Bracelets in Brenda Novak's Charity Auction!

2008-05-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone! This is an opportunity for you to nab one of my loaded charm bracelets and support a great cause.

Every year, Brenda Novak runs an auction to raise money for diabetes research. I have a lot of in-laws who are Type 2 diabetics, and my maternal grandmother developed this in her old age. It's a growing problem for many Americans.

But back to the bling! The auction items are for winner's choice of my themed bracelets. These truly are Not Available in Any Store! I only make them for gifts, prizes and charity auctions.

The Faery Ball charm bracelet is pictured in every auction listing. The Blue Moon bracelet can be found here.

The Black Dragon bracelet can be seen here.

The Elementals bracelet is pictured here.

Enjoy, and please remember that this is a fabulous cause. I expect that someone in your family will be struggling with the challenges of diabetes someday if they aren't now.

The item I want to win is the day spent trailing Kate Duffy around Kensington, learning how books are made. I imagine it's cleaner and neater than sausage. LOL

Hugs,
Liddy

New Review for Call Me Barbarian!

2008-02-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

Wow, after all this time, Joyfully Reviewed has put out a review for Ellora's Cavemen: DREAMS OF THE OASIS 1.

My futuristic story Call Me Barbarian appears in this anthology. Here's what she thinks of my little tale:

"Imagine having not one but two men as your soulmates, and what makes it even sweeter is that they are twins – twice as yummy! This lustful tale is told through a first-person point-of-view, Cedilla's, and takes place during a time when all women were treated as men’s property and when barbarians were only tolerated as gladiators in the Empire society. The ménage a trios interaction between Cedilla, Asterix, and Apostoph was mega hot and erotically passionate. Although somewhat horrible, I really liked how Liddy Midnight concluded this story because it turned out that the Empire needed Cedilla more than they thought – regardless of her half-barbarian heritage."

Of the whole compilation, the reviewer says:

"This collection of Ellora’s Cavemen tales will satisfy any fantasy hunger as it has a variety of stories that range from the erotic paranormal to the naughty menage a trios. Enjoy!"

I love a good review, especailly when it's unexpected. Read the entire thing here.

Hugs,
Liddy

Guest Blogger: Adele DuBois

2007-09-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

Love Beneath the Harvest Moon by Adele Dubois

September is the traditional month of change and reorganization. It’s the time we clean up our physical, emotional, and spiritual clutter as we prepare for a new season. For many people September marks the true beginning of the New Year. Children return to school after a long summer break, vacations are over, and our households resume their normal rhythms. This is also a time when we welcome the fall harvest before the dark nights of winter arrive.

The Autumnal Equinox is still celebrated by many cultures worldwide and signals the beginning of autumn in the Northern Hemisphere. Derived from the Latin words aequus (equal) and nox (night), the equinox typically enters between September 22-24 when the sun appears to cross the celestial equator from north to south. This year, September 23, 2007, at 5:51 a.m. EDT marks the exact moment when fall arrives and the astrological calendar enters the sign of Libra. The days and nights will become nearly equal in length, creating balance, as daytime and night both have durations of approximately twelve hours.

The Harvest Moon is the name of the full moon arriving closest to the Autumnal Equinox. In two years out of every three the Harvest Moon rises in September instead of October. The Harvest Moon shines this year on September 26, 2007. No matter where you live in the Northern Hemisphere, the moon will look round and full as it rises in the east around sunset. Farmers will work well into the night to gather their crops as the bright light of the Harvest Moon fills the sky and shines down on the earth.

September also marks the lunar cycle when grapes are traditionally harvested, pressed, and stored to become wine. When the light of the full Harvest Moon, also called the Wine Moon or Fruit Moon, shines bright across half the world on September 26, snuggle close to the one you love and toast the new season with full-bodied glasses of wine or cups of cider. Who could ask for a more romantic setting than love, a good vintage, and a warm blanket spread beneath the glow of a full Harvest Moon?

This article is the original work of Adele Dubois and may not be copied and reposted or reproduced without the courtesy of permission and full credit given to the author. Please visit Adele’s website

More Caterpiggles...

2007-08-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of other pix. I just love watching these little guys grow!

This one's easy to spot, because I turned the plant so it's silhouetted against the shadows between the rocks. When they're small, it's a bit of a hunt to find them at all. (The best way is to look for their black droppings.)

This one's on the stem, where I hope you can see it!

These are a lot bigger than that tiny hatchling I posted the other week. There are a few even bigger ones now, which I'll try to catch a glimpse of tomorrow and photograph for you. They're little eating machines, with nothing to do but eat and grow...the bigger ones are most likely the same ones in these pix.

In preparation for moving - getting a house spruced up to put on the market is a lot of work - some of the milkweed was moved to the side of the house. Curb appeal, you know! Ratty 'weeds' aren't on the list of what prospective buyers look for. These are the ones that popped up after the front garden was last weeded. I may move the smaller plants. When the ones out front are eaten up, I'll carry the caterpillars to the new location. I haven't seen any there yet.

Hugs,
Liddy

Be still, my heart!

2007-08-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

I did a bit of weeding this evening. I'm so glad I did!

THE MONARCH BUTTERFLY CATERPILLARS ARE HERE!

Isn't this little one adorable? I was squishing aphids (to make sure the milkweed survives long enough for the caterpillars to eat it - they've got precedence in my gardens) and almost missed it.

This is the smallest one I've ever seen.

Tomorrow I'll post pix of the larger ones.

I wouldn't want to overload your senses. LOL

Hugs to everyone but that liar Ann,
Liddy

This just in!

2007-08-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

This just in...straight from the horses' mouths...so to speak. LOL

Ann Wesley Hardin luuuuurves French Poodles and has been known to steal Cris Anson's er, adult toy shaped remarkably like a banana.

Now, these were communicated to Your Humble Reporter in the same sentence by Ann herself, therefore I deduce a relationship.

Ann, darling, you'd better watch out - those PETA folks might be after you!

If she ever gets it back, I hope Cris can put her "appliance" in the washing machine. EW!

Hugs to all but that liar Ann,
Liddy

A fabulous time was had by all

2007-08-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

I realize it's been a while since I cavorted around eastern PA with my EC sisters and the gorgeous bus, but it did take me time to recover. Thus my tardy post of the TRUTH of what happened in Lancaster, Pottstown and Reading. (If I didn't cover it here, it's a scurrilous rumor. SCURRILOUS, I say!)

First of all, let me say that the hostesses (those wonderful ladies who manage, staff and hand-sell books at the various Borders and Borders Express locations) were the kindness personified. We never ran out of drinks or goodies and shared many a laugh, giggle or snicker with them all. Thank you so much, ladies, and I'm willing to sing at your stores any time.

The EC folks, Brenda and John, are also great fun and took good care of us. They had EC goodies for us to hand out and kept us in the spotlight by placing the attention-getting bus prominently in every parking lot. And when Jennifer Dunne whined about not having a nice EC leather portfolio, Brenda managed to produce one.

Of course, Jennifer promptly let her Peppermint Teenie Poppers melt all over the calculator. We all know Jennifer doesn't stoop to using a calculator, being a mathematician and all. Hmm...but I see here in my notes that simple arithmetic is beyond the four-hour orgasm girl. Does that mean we can't trust her timekeeping, either?

Let's see, what else did I learn about my sister EC authors? The truth, as recorded during the five book signings last weekend.

Cris Anson can't figure out how to cross the street. (Sounds like this limits her street-walking activities, doesn't it?)

Tara never listens to a thing I say. (Why should she be different? If everyone paid attention to my words of wisdom, I'd've long ago solved tribal strife, world hunger and cured the common cold.)

Oh, and pssst, keep this under your hat. Or elsewhere, but out of sight. Cris Anson is an anal freak AND she's always in the wrong place. She went through three pairs of panties during the signings. I have no idea whose they were, other than not mine. ('Nuff said. I ain't goin' there.)

And FINALLY, the ultimate truth about Ann Wesley Hardin. She's not only a viscous gossip, she's the founder of the Wandering Menstruals. I hear the WaMens uploaded an incredibly well-done "man-revenge" video to UTube but it was banned because UTube doesn't permit snuff . Those babes are tough when they're PMSing!

Oh, I almost forgot Lorie O'Clare. The poor darling was with us for only one signing and I hear she's recovering nicely. Get well soon!

Pictures to follow...yes, I documented some of the events.

Hugs to everyone but that liar Ann,
Liddy

For the love of Mike!

2007-07-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

I admitted already that I'm addicted to those housecleaning and decluttering shows. I also recently acquired a new passion and am willing to 'fess up to a longer-term additional passion.

The Mikes have me hooked.

That would be Mike Rowe ('Dirty Jobs') and Mike Holmes ('Holmes on Homes').

Are you looking for entertainment? How about watching a man who'll try any job, anything at all, no matter how dirty? And does it all with a smile and a wisecrack. As if that isn't enough, that boy's in shape! He has to be, to wrangle crocodiles and help pull multi-ton blocks of marble out of a mountain.

Now that's sexy. Not only is he good-looking in a very all-American, outdoorsy way, he's a keeper. You know you'll never have to nag him about taking out the trash. After what he does for a living, that's literally a walk in the park! Sure beats crawling through vintage San Francisco sewers or ripping rotting vegetation off old parade floats. The dirtier he gets, the better he looks. It's not just me, either. A number of my sister authors in the Cave (as in Ellora's Cave, my publisher) are also smitten with Mike Rowe. And he's everywhere! He's the narrator for 'Deadliest Catch' and I swear I've heard his voice on a few commercials. Obviously, a man in demand.

Now how about a guy - no, a man, because Mike Holmes has a presence that screams, "Don't mess with me!" - who can tackle any construction-project-gone-wrong with experience, knowledge, and an eye for design? He can come fix my house any time. Just watching him shake his head over some shmuck's pitiful efforts at code compliance before he rips something apart makes my little heart go pit-a-pat. As for his physique, whew! Serious hottie there. Swinging a sledge and moving joists and other substantial building materials around tends to do that to a fellow.

This is one reason I call Mistah Midnight "my little joist monkey". LOL He looked so cute balancing on floor joists, replacing our bathroom plumbing. Of course, let me point out that Mistah Midnight doesn't screw up our home improvement projects. That's because of my role, which is keeping Murphy at bay. When I'm involved with a project, things go smoothly. Of course, this means I get nothing done for myself while Mistah Midnight is in construction mode. I'm no girly-girl, either, being a mean hand with a pipe cutter and a propane torch.

During what I jokingly call our "20-year flip" I've learned to cut and solder pipe (plus I learned to torch-cut and arc weld during our infamous audition video for Junkyard Wars!), wire a 3-way switch, and mix concrete. I also do all the painting. I'm now dying to try the suede paint that Mike H. chose for the basement pub show that aired this week. ::pout:: We need a bigger house. ::brightening:: Oh, wait, we're working on that. ::rubbing hands in anticipation:: That show is inspiring.

If you're looking for some fine entertainment, tune in to either Mike or Mike and watch as they dig, clean, demolish or wrestle their various projects of the week. Ever wonder where ostrich eggs come from, the ones that hotel chefs to turn into HUGE (and expensive) omelets? Want to see how your contractor was supposed to do that brick work?

Great eye candy and you'll learn a few things.

Now that's entertainment.

Hugs,
Liddy

On housekeeping and clutter--and househunting

2007-07-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

We’re house hunting. Man, over the past few weeks I have seen some really, er, interesting houses. That’s being kind.

Doesn’t anyone who wants to sell their house watch any of those shows on D-I-Y, A&E, Style and HGTV? You don’t have to put everything away and make the place look like it’s a museum or no one lives there, but for crying out loud, clean up the dirty dishes and put away the junk mail.

I’ve decided our house will be shown empty. LOL I’ve got too much stuff, which is why we have to move. You know, if you only accumulate a bit of stuff each year, after 21 years the place is chock full of it! We haven’t reached the state of affairs that would warrant Niecy Nash and her crew coming in to save us or the Clean Sweep team’s attentions, but there is too much stuff for our tiny house. Since I started writing seriously, Smut Central, or my writing room, has gotten crammed to the rafters with promotional stuff, reference books, jewelry findings and beads (although I don’t complain about that!). For some reason my mending and sewing/crafts projects also get shoved in there.

I have to admit that I’m addicted to those “clean up your house” and “get organized” shows. I LOVE seeing how messy other people are and how the experts bring order out of chaos. First of all, it makes me feel virtuous about my much-less-severe mess. Second, I get ideas for making my mess better. One of these days, maybe when we move, I’m going to put all of that into practice and we’ll finally live in a house that’s comfortable, organized and workable. (Our house was too small even before we started another business.)

Why haven’t I organized our stuff here? Good question. I do ask myself that at times.

I have implemented some of those solutions, but the problem is that of fitting a quart into a pint bottle. Where do you put the stuff to get it out of the way while you’re erecting more shelving or getting the other stuff organized? I have yet to see a show on that problem. They spread it out over the yard, but our yard is still a construction zone. No room there! LOL The kitchen closet doesn’t exist yet, and right now the powder room is in process. (That’s a real engineery-sounding term, isn’t it? And it means there is nothing in there but walls and a workman, i.e., Mistah Midnight. The rest of the stuff - compound mitre saw, table saw, cabinets, commode, sink and pedestal, are spread out over the front porch, the patio, the lawn and the garage.)

One of these days, I’ll have a house that’s finished, where I can take my accumulated clutter and spread it out on the lawn — or front porch or patio — and get it organized. Until then, I laugh merrily at others who have slipped further down that slope into catastrophic clutter (anyone remember Langley Collier and his brother?) and count my blessings. We’re not winding our way along narrow paths between boxes and mountains of clothing and too many shoes. Yet.

Hugs,
Liddy

ROGUES is in print!

2007-05-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right. The last I'd heard, it would be late summer before ROGUES hit the bookshelves, but it seems things are cooking at EC. It's listed today in the EC store!

The cover now has a tint to it that we didn't see in the initial version. I'm not sure if I like that aspect, but the cover image certainly does kick butt!

I'm so happy, maybe I'll go take a nap. LOL

Here's a snippet from my favorite review so far. It's not a sentiment just anyone would get in a review...

"Before the story begins, the reader sees the following passage: "A vampire, a psychic and a werewolf walk into a bar on Alpha Prime…"-1001 Stellar Jokes. What makes this note-worthy is that that is exactly what will follow. Add to this mix a jealous Artificial Intelligence who may want to be human, genetic engineering, embezzlement, assassins, and an accounting conspiracy of galactic proportions. Cheesy? Definitely. Hot and sexy? Oh, yes. Will Rogues win the Hugo Award? Not likely. But, readers will have a rip roaring good time with this steamy threesome as they have their adventures in, and out of, bed." Read the whole review

This is a good week!

Hugs,
Liddy

Site of the week, April 9th

2007-04-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

I just discovered a fabulous site, one that makes me weak with the cuteness of the pix. I thought the San Diego Zoo's Panda Cam was utterly engaging, to the point of keeping the view going in a small window on my desk top, but this one takes the cake!

If you want to spend a lot of time cruising the web, be sure to visit cuteoverload.com - I especially love the Hogs and Hams. Definitely Squeeeee-able!

Hugs,
Liddy

Our New Supermarket

2007-04-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

We've been waiting for this store to open ....

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and are surrounded by the scent of fresh hay.

When you get to the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

How much do writers really make?

2007-03-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

Here's a link to a very interesting post on the realities of writing income. Drives home how far I have to go, at least.

http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/004893.html

John Scalzi writes in a variety of genres, both fiction and non-fiction. In his blog, he gives insight - with hard numbers - into his writing income from SF. Genre fiction is generally a lower source of income than literary fiction or mainstream fiction.

Now I have a better yardstick!

Thanks a lot, John, for this illuminating discussion.

Enjoy, all of you, and my writer-kin should learn something from this. The most important lesson: don't be hasty in quitting the day job. Great advice!

Hugs,
Liddy

ROGUES got a nomination!

2007-02-21T12:21:00.000-08:00

The eCataromance Reviewers Choice Award nominees are up here. ROGUES is included - along with what looks like half the releases from 2006. LOL No matter what the award or how large the nominee list is, it's always a kick to be nominated. As Sally Field put it so succinctly, "You like me!" Or rather, you like my stories.

Thanks so much to the reviewers who put this list together! We're in some fabulous company. I won't call them competition, because most of the books are apples and oranges when you actually look at their plots and characters, but they're all wonderful authors who've brought us some utterly delicious stories.

We're hard at work on OUTLAWS, the sequel. Guvnor and the indominitable Elvie are up to their necks in trouble. They've made the mistake of trying to handle things on their own...

Hugs,
Liddy

Happy New Year!

2007-01-12T13:27:00.000-08:00

Our kitchen is finally DONE! I love it. The big difference I notice, other than the gas cooktop being much better than electric, is that I walk a lot more. Much more space, much more counter surface, much more storage but much more to keep picked up and clean! Last week, on Monday I made spaghetti sauce, on Tuesday I made cream of broccoli soup, and on Wednesday I baked not one but two batches of bread. Cinnamon raisin bran bread and anadama bread. The latter is a Colonial bread, made with yellow corn meal and molasses. Yummers! It makes terrific grilled cheese sandwiches, which is what I had today for lunch.

What have you all been up to? Did you get together with family for the holidays?

We hosted Christmas for my (small) family and Mistah Midnight's (huge) family. Yes, the very first time we prepared a meal for guests in the new kitchen, we hosted fourteen people! The garbage disposal exploded both Christmas Eve and during dinner prep on Christmas Day, clogging the pipe (a truly stoopid design guaranteed to clog and back up!) and blowing the compression fittings off the drain. Spewed water with bits of ground-up food all over the inside of the cabinet and over the laminate flooring, which is not supposed to get wet. However, due to the superior caulking job of yours truly, there was no harm done. The current pipe configuration is better, but a few onion skins still fetched up at one juncture. The third time should be the charm. (If you're putting in an Insinkerator Badger model in a double sink, IGNORE the instructions that say to put two traps in, one for each drain. Join the two outflows above a single trap. Gee, I've learned a lot about construction stuff since we started working on this house. Fortunately, most of it's pretty useful.)

My holidays were so busy I didn't even have time to promote FINDING THE LIGHT, which came out on the 27th. Now that I'm back, I'll have to do that.

The first review is in! “Liddy Midnight brings companionship to two lonely hearts on the night of Yule as well as all readers of this heartwarming story. When all else seems lost and there is nowhere else to go, FINDING THE LIGHT gives hope to all those who are living alone out there during this time of family and cheer.” — JT for Romance Junkies (Read the rest)

My only concern is that it's a Yule tale, and that's long over. Do you read holiday stories out of season? Or do you read them only while they're relevant to the holiday at hand?

Hugs,
Liddy

Santa's Sleigh 2006

2006-12-23T10:57:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest update from Tom Hollis, Santa's Chief Engineering Elf. Feel free to repost and forward, with the attribution intact. The author is particularly interested in getting this to the troops.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, a tardy Merry Yule and a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year!

Hugs,
Liddy

ROGUES by Liddy Midnight and Cricket Starr - Available NOW
FINDING THE LIGHT - a December Wild Winter Quickie, coming Dec 27th
www.liddymidnight.com
www.moongladeeliteauthors.com

************************************************************************************************

10:00 ZULU, 23 DEC 2006
North Pole Systems Test Facility
Kris Kringle, Inc., Delivery Division, Sleigh Ops

From: Tom Hollis, Chief Engineering Elf
To: Santa Claus
RE: 2006 Sleigh Upgrades and Flight Ops

Santa,

Sorry about the last-minute briefing, but this year we had a major overhaul of the entire distribution system and that ate up the time we allowed for “cushion” in the schedule. You’ll see the details below.

Well, the first thing I need to report is that your “EEOC” (Empowering Elves Over Christmas) program was more successful than you could have guessed. The team went into caucuses (cauci?) and two groups emerged. One referred to themselves as the Techuplicans and the other wanted to be called the Frenlicrats. The Techs wanted to continue on our current design path of outfitting Sleigh Ops with the latest tech that the Sciences and Engineering Sections could cook up. The Frens wanted to roll back to a more traditional approach, one involving more real magic and pure Christmas Spirit.

In keeping with your wishes EEOC-wise, I put it to a vote. The Frenlicrats won by a narrow margin, and the Techuplicans graciously acceded to the new plan. Showing good, old-fashioned Christmas spirit, they pitched right in to implement it.

To be honest, KK, I’ve been installing these gizmos for a few years now and, although they’re literally out of this world, I’ve become a bit jaded. I’d much rather see a speed boost on the bag run from a good ol’ strolling group of carolers than a black hole inversion interface. I admit it. I voted for the non-tech approach.

Anyway, here we go:

There was no way we could have stripped the sleigh control, recipient acquisition, gift delivery, and general amusement suites from either of the currently operational sleighs (#SC00082 and #SC00092), and re-fitted them in time for the season. So we pulled one of the veterans from the museum and re-worked her.

I hope your nostalgia pump is primed, Big Guy, because this year you’re gonna be driving Stormin’ Norma, the venerable SC1066!

Been a few centuries, eh, Dude?!?!

(Make sure you take Mrs. K for a spin, right? We’ve heard some gossip about a certain younger, red-clad couple, a certain turn-of-the-millennia sleigh, and some certain speeding citations around Phobos. Wink, wink!)

Bottom line, we hauled 1066 off the diorama, into the shop, and onto our spanking new MESH (Magic and Elemental Spirit of the Holidays) outfitting line. Here’s what we’ve added for ’06:

1.) REAL Pixies
2.) Three Elves in the Back Seat
3.) Christmas Spirit Interface Operator - CSIO
4.) Formation Flying (Don’t worry, we’re your hot spares.)
5.) Flight Ops

Let’s do these in order.

1.) REAL Pixies: It seems that the Pixies (and by this I mean the genuine, for-real, fluttery-winged, pixie-dusting, glow-in-the-dark PIXIES) blew a major gasket when they heard that there were machines doing a job they could do.

Actually, they have a point.

When you think about it, it kind of makes sense. The high speed H-UCEV’s flit out, sneak in to the recipients’ houses, scope out the lay, and report back to you, so you can plan for an efficient and accurate delivery.

Isn’t snooping on families and gossiping about every little detail pretty much exactly what Pixies are been experts at (among other silly, mildly vexing things…) for centuries? Why not channel their misbehav… er, natural abilities into a useful service?

So, instead of using the Observational H-UCEV’s (Ref. 2005 SUFO’s, attached below) you’ll be supported by an entire clan of real Pixies for advance recon and giftsitreps. Which Clan? Don’t ask me. They have been competing for this, fiercely (trust me, you don’t want to even see a fierce Pixie!) for 11 months now, and I don’t have a clue.

They’ll flit out—wait, scratch that, back up, re-start.

1.1 Your Right Seat (See CSIO, Sect. 3) will task them with a delivery location (Translation: Have a quick gossip about the recipients.),
1.2 The Pixie Posse — 1 to 7, always an odd number – will flit out to the GDS (Gift Delivery Site),
1.3 Report back (Translation: Have another quick gossip about general decorative style, cleanliness of kitchens and bathrooms, fantasy content of their paperback library, etc.), and
1.4 You can plan for the best gift deployment.

One thing about Pixies – they burn energy at a prodigious rate, and, consequently, have to be re-fueled at regular, short intervals. Usually they do this with nectar, honey, and/or ambrosia, but we’ll need a more efficient system.

Just off your left elbow, you’ll notice what looks like a circular Pachinko machine. While it functions kind of like one, it’s actually your Pixie Stix® dispenser. (Yep, Pixies LOVE Pixie Stix®.)

Just remember, NEVER GIVE PIXIES OF ANY COLOR THE SAME COLOR PIXIE STIX®. You know how silly they are normally. Give one of ‘em its matching color and you won’t be able to see straight, much less drive, for the storm of Pixie Dust, sparklies, confetti, tinsel, and such that will be spun into the space around you.

The dial is marked with a color wheel. When a Pixie flies up and chitters for “Stix, Stix, Stix!”, spin the wheel to the opposite color and dole out exactly two Stix per Pixie. Make sure you tell the Pixie, “No sharing these!” (See the color warning. above.) Two Stix gives them one for each hand and cuts down on mischief, limiting it pretty much to rein dancing and limericks. More than two and you risk putting the poor little Pixie out cold for the rest of the night in a sucrose torpor.

2.) Three Elves in the Back Seat: The Pixies started the hue-and-cry about ‘machines replacing magic’ and the Elves picked up the chant. They claimed that the Presentational H-UCEV’s were doing the job, i.e., hauling gifts for Santa, that Elves had been doing for centuries.

To be fair, they have a point, too.

So, instead of the PH-UCEV’s, you’ll have Three Elves in the Back Seat to help you haul the Load. Again there has been a furious competition for the privilege of Sackin’ for Santa, and these guys are ripped. ’Scuze, me. These Elves are ripped. One is a lady Elf.

Mr. Kringle, it’s spooky. The guys have it all over her on just plain humping poundage, but I’ve seen her, for-real-with-my-own-eyes, stuff six stockings from across the room, from the hip, no misses, and without a single cross-fill. In record time. For all of those best-gifts-in-small-packages, she’s your operator. (Sorry, I don’t know her name. The whole competition was anonymous.)

3.) Christmas Spirit Interface Operator: CSIO – I know that this project is pretty much of a surprise to everyone, you and me included. To relieve you of some of the workload of personnel interface, especially since you’ve been tech-focused for the last few years, the team’s decided to equip you with a Right Seat who’s been spun up on all of this low-tech stuff.

She’s (Yep, it’s a girl. Why shouldn’t we at least keep the evening spicy?) been training with the Pixies and the Elves for three months and she has their BusyNames (Translation: Call Signs), WorkTalk (Translation: Communications SOP), and Pecking Order (Translation: Mission Priorities) reduced to routine. I’ve run her against our best simulations of the high-tech sleighs. She not only works out ID, Locate, and Lookups at better than 88% of last year’s delivery rate, she’s dead even on accuracy.

Even better, she has now logged over 40 hours of rein time, distributed over several sleigh models and vintages. Jeannie says that she’s a tight-but-gentle strap, and Liddy vouches for her situational awareness and overall calm demeanor in adverse conditions. We all give her a go. Her name is:

Clara Clause-Kringle.

Da Missus.

Now, Boss, before you go all cinnamon-Red-Hot®, give me a minute. She’s got a point, too. Who’s better qualified?

And besides, who’s better qualified to make my life miserable if she doesn’t get to go?

Geez! Mrs. K. and all of the other “ladies” have been riding me for decades about this ‘guys only’ thing on the 24th. Sneaking Jeannie into the Right Seat two years ago was just the camel’s nose, and now we’re going to have to live with equal rights, full time. The real thumb-in-the-eye was when the gals pointed out to me that, under Santa Claus’s new EEOC program, we are now OFFICIALLY gender neutral, everywhere. Note – ’scuse me again, they noted — that this includes the Right Seat.

Anyhow, Mrs. K. will be handling the Naughty-or-Nice book, giving the Pixies their recon sites, and calling the bag loads out to the Back Seat Elves. Relax, this is just a staging step for St. Nick, and you get the final say-so on every present for every well-behaved recipient. Mrs. K will call out the names and gifts, and the Three Elves will arrange the packages in a Bag Load Plan (BLP) on the Back Seat. You get to modify, add, or delete any of the items, and to re-arrange the BLP as you like.

The Naughty-or-Nice Book is very up to date and Mrs. K has been studying it intently for weeks. With three pro Elves helping, I’m betting that you’ll be calling out, “Tag ’em and bag ’em”, most of the time.

But, just in case…

4.) Formation Flying: With this completely new setup (Or is it a completely old setup?), we’ve decided that a hot spare backup team would be prudent. Mikey’s coming out of retirement and he’s piloting #SC00082. Jeannie will be reining #SC00092. I’m going to be Right Seat for Jeannie, and Mikey’s got Liddy. (I guess you can call it a small consolation for Santa having a chaperone that my wife is coming along too, even though she’s not in my sleigh.)

Anyhow, with last year’s Jovian Holiday Top Coat we’ll be basically invisible, so none of the receiving public will notice the extra equipment.
Except, of course, when we WANT them to see us! (See the escort assignments, below.)

You’ll have five basic formations:

4.1 Wedge - This one is for general expediting, and it serves as the base for high speed aerobatics with the H-UCEV’s deployed.
4.2 Echelon Right – This one is for NON-Book coordination. We’ll line up abeam of Mrs. K. when we need assignments. Echelon Right is also cute for low-speed aerobatics.
4.3 Echelon Left – This one is for flight ops coordination. We’ll swing onto your shoulder when you want to give some flight ops assignments. For low speed aerobatics, Echelon Left is the easiest for you to guide.
4.4 Line Up – This is our standard travel formation, with us above and behind you, in full camouflage.
4.5 Close Escort – This one is for re-supply. Whenever you need replenishment, we parallel you, close aboard, and the Elves can transfer gifts. We’ll replenish from the dirigibles and ferry stuff in to you two Kringles.

5.) Flight Ops: Mikey and I did this year’s speed run with #SC1066. Boy, were the Martians ecstatic! They had to thaw out a couple of old codgers to make sure they had the paint-and-glitter formula right for Ms. Norma. She looks great! Oh, one note. The only tech-up we did on #SC1066 was that we added the Sleigh Atmosphere Sustaining System (SASSy). Comfort won out over traditionalism.

The "nice" category is essentially unchanged at 85.774%. Ditto on the demographics.

The International Space Station is your first stop, and you don’t have to worry about dodging the Space Shuttle. They found a hole in the weather and got down safely.

Russia is next and we’re going to mess with them. Last year’s rocket show has them all full of themselves, so we have to upstage them. The Pixies have been saving up Pixie Dust for months now, and they’ve promised me that they can dust whatever the Russians send up and safely override the flight controls. We’ll set them back on the tarmac all a-glitter, with the pilots compulsively telling knock-knock jokes for the rest of the night.

The EU is sending up some kind of aerobatics team. Your decision, boss, but I’d recommend a full show of three-sled formation flying. You’ll need the practice. (See “North America,” below.)

Somehow, the RAF has gotten wind of some kind of traditionalist movement going on here at the Pole. Don’t be surprised if some Spitfires show up to escort you, or maybe even some cloth-on-wood equipment.

Physical conditions in the Eastern Med and Mideast have worsened, but there is a bright kernel of optimism and hope, nonetheless. I guess the Human Spirit rises to defeat adversity. Key in on that and the Sleigh will power itself.

The anti-collision light show in South Central and Southeast Asia is now officially a Christmas Tradition. Liddy has upgraded her banner programs for the new sleighs to include all of the local languages and character sets.

The “Santa Cell” phone trick in China was a huge success last year, so we’re going to repeat it. We’ll light the back end of the Wedge formation and the International Space Station can feed live video of Santa’s Formation pulling the light bloom across China.

The Japanese gift lists are weighted towards personal electronics this year. You know, MP3 players, cell phones, and such. The Pixies love to fiddle with these things, inserting gag songs, celebrity phone numbers, and pictures of each other. I recommend that you let them have their fun. This will reduce the number of pranks they direct at you!

Australia has heard the traditionalist rumors from the RAF, and they’re decorating tall ships in all of the major harbors and coast towns. Inland, they’re planning 5-day Solstice Parties, and they say that they’ll be “just about primed” by the time Christmas Eve rolls in. That’s some party-going stamina!

There are a couple of really tough spots in Africa, and the gift list includes a good assortment of “comfort items,” including basic necessities, medicine, and portable housewares. It’s amazing that only ten miles can separate people who would only be happy with a sack of diamonds from people who would be happy with only a sack of flour.

South America and Central America have also created an official Christmas Tradition with the balloon show. I don’t think you’re going to see the ultra-light aircraft again, though. Last year a bunch of those pilots got jostled about pretty well, and they complained. Expect everybody to compensate by getting more balloons aloft. Keep it slow!

As to the North America… Boss, we’ve got a Mole at the Pole. The RAF got wind of a rumor or something, but somebody ratted us out on the Formation Flying to NORAD. Every flight demonstration team in North America has been alerted to us and pre-positioned somewhere along our route. We’ll be expected to watch their various routines and try “can you top this.”

I say, “Go for it.” You will have had 20+ hours of practice, and Norma has plenty more get-up-and-go than any afterburning stink-pipe. Have Mrs. K talk to them on the radio (That’ll rattle ‘em.), and if they get uppity, sic the Pixies on them.

That's the brief. Any questions, page me down on the MESH line.

See you at Midnight!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(c) 2003 - 2006 Thomas Quinn
Permission to copy, reprint or forward with attribution
granted to anyone (and everyone) with Christmas Spirit!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ATTACHMENT 1 - 2005 BRIEF

02:00 ZULU, 22 DEC 2005
South Pole Systems Test Facility
Kris Kringle, Inc., Delivery Division, Sleigh Ops

From: Tom Hollis, Chief Engineering Elf
To: Santa Claus
RE: 2005 Sleigh Upgrades and Flight Ops.

Santa,

TA DA!.....(Brag mode on.) WE'RE DONE EARLY!.....(Brag mode off.)

Sincerely Santa, I've been doing these Upgrade-Ops memos for three years, but I have to admit that up to now, I've been a little out of my comfort zone. I grew up in this organization as a Production Engineer, and I got all of this fancy R&D stuff through on-the-job training. But, Santa-Meister, you gotta admit, here at Kris Kringle Inc., we spend one (1) day per year on Delivery, and 356 days (after the party, of course) a year on PRODUCTION. All of that hightech gear on the Sleigh is way cool, but give me a minute to praise the folks (assorted varieties) working on the line, filling the bag.

Thanks to the efforts of the Chilean Dwarves at upgrading our facilities, our South Pole production was 11.5% ahead of our best projection through Q2 2005. Then Icephoon Corrie hit. Sir, lemme tell you, the Ice Giants put up a heck of a fight, but even they can be beat when Ma' Nature gets her back up. Two thirds of the facility was glazed, and the rest was mostly frosted over head-to-toe. At the end, the IG's went vertical and saved our kiesters by pillaring that sheet over our heads. It kinda creeps me out how they can freeze solid like that, and then turn around and thaw out to such a fun bunch. Well, it worked, so, what the hey.

Special note of commendation here: I have no idea where / how those Serengeti Shamans came up with that hot-wind-in-a-bag trick, but it got us back in production in 11 days, so they're welcome to the Converse High-Tops and woolies. (Note to files: If we need these guys again, remember, they arrive barefoot, so bunker in mondo footwear.)

Those Dwarves worked like, uh, well, Dwarves, and re-re-vamped the production lines to squeeze another 1.1% out of the equipment. The South Pole Elves worked half-again and double-shift O.T. and got us back on track and even ahead of schedule.

Six weeks later Snurricane Simon hit us up North. Seeing that you were in the snow trenches with the troops throughout that one, I don't need to recount the frigid details. Here's the synopsis: 1.) The NP data center was totally snowed, so we sleigh-lifted staff and switched to the SP cold site, which is still the primary. (Flight OPS will care about this, see below.) 2.) Special Commendation to the Abominable Snowmen Arctic Core of Engineers for raising the top of the Ice Wall AND snow blowing the NP Basin empty in 3 1/2 weeks. 3.) We picked up Special Orders Production for that month at the SP, but the fourth shift Inuits got NP back on schedule.

Anyway, the net-net is that Production has roared back, and the whole kit and kaboodle is ready for Sleigh Ops and Delivery.

On to the briefing:

The only warm spot this year was Sleigh Engineering. You know how they love being all so hush-hush, Area-51 types. Well, this year, it actually helped us. (Geez boss, they're going to be insufferable 'til July!) In their "cavern, deep, ice, magically excavated, research use only", they kept working through the worst of the storm. We borrowed their folks when we needed their expertise with the repairs, and they were a huge help, routinely volunteering for extra shifts. Even so, they came up with a not-so-short list of utilitarian improvements, and they are pretty nifty:

1.) Holiday Top Coat (HTC)
2.) Hypersonic UCEV (H-UCEV) Upgrades
3.) Airborne Replenishment of Gifts Onboard Sleigh (ARGOS)
4.) Sleigh Atmosphere Sustaining System (SASSy)
5.) Bucket of Snow, Coal, or Sand Ejector (BOSCOSE)
6.) Flight Ops.

1.) First thing you'll notice is that both of the rigs (#SC00082 and #SC00092) have been:

a.) stretched,
b.) boosted, and
c.) tricked.

1.a.) Last year, we received several negative comments about how MARS (See last year's mods) front runner extensions ruined the classic "look" of Santa's Sleigh. The basic complaint was that with the runner front ends rolled out and the UCEV's docked, it just looked un-sleigh-like, not having the classic curly-cue front end. One commenter went so far as to suggest that it looked like you were driving one of Harley Earl's '59 Cadillac’s in reverse.

(Sir, I thought that comment a little hyperbolic. Besides, I really like Mrs. K's '59 Caddie.)

After careful consideration, the team is willing to grudgingly admit that the traditionalists probably have a point. In our enthusiasm, the Engineering team may have over-focused on utility at the expense of a good presentation, which is, of course, very important in our line of work. If you could get the crew to ease up a little on the heckling, I'll buy the first round of cocoa and let them rib me one last time. Favor? Either way, we fixed it. (See next.)

Step back and take a gander at the Ol' Gal. Notice how she's longer lookin'? Yep, we stretched your ride, dude. Ridin' low Santa-man, ridin' low.

The UCEV's were so handy last year we couldn't just leave them behind, curly front rails or not, so we stretched the Christmas Chariot. Note how much longer she is between the uprights? The UCEV's now tuck up and dock under the Sleigh between the uprights, and are automatically retracted close aboard. The Pixies dock forward, and the Presenters aft. An added benefit to this is that the Presenters’ protruding wing tips give you a step-up to the cargo deck, a feature you’ll need. Don't worry, those wings are basically indestructible. (See Sec. 2, below)

1.b.) The low rider look is kind of an illusion, because you'll be riding with about 15% more ground clearance from now on. The stretch was more like 30%, so the Sleigh appears lower when it's actually higher. We needed that extra under-deck space to fit in all of the modifications for the upgrades. (See 2 - 5, below.)

1.c) This brings me to a delicate subject. You know that the Martians have been doing the red exterior job on the Sleigh forever, right? No complaints, great work, quickly done, durable, etc. Well, the Jovians have been working on this really advanced color-morphing coating system, and they sprung it on us this year. (Mars is red, Jupiter is tutti-fruiti, get it?) The stuff is AMAZING! In its natural state, it looks like a semi-gloss clear coat that's been laid down, rubbed, and repeated about 40 times. But fiddle with the control and you can instantly change the topcoat to any pattern you can think of, or have thought of and pre-programmed in, or can ad-lib on the fly.

Talk about tricked!

The Jovians shipped us a portable controller that looks like a disk with Jupiter and its moons around it. I can only really see Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto (old squinty eyes, and all), but Liddy has been fiddling with it and says that she can manipulate several more of the smaller moons, mostly for really cool special effects. She's figured out how to position the little moons to get different color schemes and patterns on the exterior. We figured that, at least, we should program in appropriate camouflage patterns for the more dicey neighborhoods you have to visit.

The "delicate" part in all of this is that the Martians have gotten their collective noses out of joint (At three nose per Martian, that adds up quickly!) about being "over coated" by the Jovians. Mrs. Claus, Jeannie, and Liddy all were out there (Mars and Jupiter) around October getting this done, and they may have been just a little too forceful in pushing for this upgrade. (What, our ladies are pushy?!?!) I see their point in wanting to get the Jovians involved in more projects, but I also see the Martians' point about being a long-time supplier, etc., etc., etc. I'm just letting you know so you'll be prepared.

The Jovians have a name for the stuff, which takes about 40 seconds to pronounce. We just call it the Holiday Top Coat or HTC.

2.) H-UCEV Upgrades

Remember last year that you had to stay subsonic when the UCEV's were deployed? No more delivering presents in the slow lane, Santa. The Physics and Software sections have been doing basic research into the "twinkle" effect of stars that is the basis of the Gift Positioning System (GPS), and they have discovered a new Force of Nature. No kidding, Boss. Munir (works in Physics, Marwahn's brother) and Bob (works in Software, Natalyia's husband) got together and determined that "twinkle" was just one observable attribute of a more fundamental, and much more powerful "attraction" emitted by the stars in the heavens. Reports are that their first test unit literally ripped itself off the bench and was last seen accelerating past Saturn. (The Saturnians got the giggles, remarking that young folks shouldn't fool around with power tools and fireworks.)

That aside, the H-UCEVS are now re-fitted with the new Star-Light Attractive Twinkle (SLAT-3) propulsion system (Version 3 is fully de-bugged, and we even managed to keep prototype 2 on the planet!)

Sam the Stone Giant hard-coated the little darlings for us. He calls the coating material a "polarized diamond malleable matrix." Don't believe it, or him. He's a complete ham, as we all know that he just slobbers on the H-UCEV's, smears it around, and cooks them in an active lava tube for 20 minutes or so. Absolutely gross and disgusting, but the stuff really is as hard as diamonds and it does hold up at Mach 6 inside the atmosphere. So, even with the overacting, he did a great job on the little fliers and he deserves a couple of extra bags of Portland cement for his coffee.

As I mentioned above, the fliers now dock under the Sleigh, with the Presenters in the aft slots. The wing tips will stick out a bit and they're intended to be used as step-ups to the rear seat / cargo compartment. They dock in the rear so that they have access to:

3.) Airborne Replenishment of Gifts Onboard Sleigh (ARGOS)

For the last few years, we've been stretching the limits (pun intended) of your bags' capacity. We thought about adding more bags, but we decided that it's high time you didn't have to carry the Full Christmas Load yourself. Santa, everybody knows you're the guy who "makes Christmas happen" but we folks here in Production also know that every successful front line operation is supported by a complex, competent, and effective supply tail. We've decided to give you more tactical flexibility by upgrading you with an air-to-air replenishment capability. Jeannie's team down in Flight Systems and Toshi's folks in Delivery Systems made it all happen.

Here are the details:

As you get a little "low in the bag," just make your way to the pre-programmed replenishment points. These are ARGOSites, and they're highlighted on ONNHRS by tapping the rain cloud gumdrop. When you get to an ARGOSite, you'll notice some nice, puffy clouds scudding along beside you. They're not clouds. They're pretty good-sized dirigibles, piloted by Pixie Granddams, powered by a SLAT-3 drive, and sporting the Jovian Holiday Top Coat, which is programmed for a multi-cloud background.

On the Sleigh's underside, forward on the Presenter H-UCEV docks, and between the Pixie H-UCEV's, we've added a universal docking collar. Swing up under the ARGOS Dirigible, invert, and ONNHRS will autopilot you into a collar seal / hard dock. ARGOS will then automatically replenish your bags. Don't worry about vertigo, etc., the TASD will compensate. When the stormcloud gumdrop stops spitting rain and lightning, and turns puffy white again with a little rainbow, your bags are full. Double tap the floorboard to release the collar, and you're off again with a full load.

4.) Sleigh Atmosphere Sustaining System (SASSy)

Oh, and don't forget, we have some very good boys and girls in orbit! How do you get there? Like I've said before, easy as chocolate cream pie. They'll show up on ONNHRS, and just motor out to them. When you leave the Earth's atmosphere, the SASSy system will kick in, and you'll have local environmental control around you and the reindeer team.

Actually, this was Mrs. Claus's idea. She's been doing the Mars / Jupiter runs, and she always complains that those suits give her "helmet hair." We threw this over to Special Projects, and they convinced the Nymphs to talk their buddies, the Venutians, into designing "Sleigh Bubbles" (their term, not mine) for us. SASSy is the result.

5.) Bucket of Snow, Coal, or Sand Ejector (BOSCOSE)

Lastly, we upgraded the BOCE to a BOSCOSE. We discovered that some folks, particularly at the higher altitudes and latitudes, actually LIKED getting a bucket of coal. All well and good if they've been nice, but, if they've been naughty....

Here's the gig. If they're on the "nice" list, and they're cold, give 'em a triple shot of coal. (Those unfortunate Pakistanis in the earthquake zone would be a good example.) If they're hot and parched, a mini-snowstorm fills the bill. (Several African refugee camps come to mind.) If they're naughty, well, you can figure out which "gift" sends the message.

The control is easy. Rock the bucket left for snow, right for sand, and center-tap it for coal. Thanks to ARGOS, you'll have tons more stores of each available.

6.) Flight Ops.

Like I said above, Jeannie, Mrs. Claus, and Liddy did the speed run to Mars and Jupiter this year. Note that we had a slight dip in the "nice" category to 85.887%. Looking at the demographics, I think a few national capitals are going to have a large number of very disappointed, very overgrown babies this year, in various governmental positions.

I back-seated for the performance check and the H-UCEVS held formation up to Mach 5.65. Smokin'!

The chasers and dispensers are all on line, and they don't interfere with BOSCOSE.

Do the International Space Station first. This will free them up for the China run described below.

The Russians have "officially" protested "our repeated, unauthorized over-flights" and our "ejection of obviously smuggled goods" when they pursued us. Yeah right. And that Energia rocket that's been sitting on the pad at the Cosmodrome is not painted with red and white spiral stripes, either. Somehow I think you're going to get only one escort from Russia this year, but it's gonna be a really big one!

(Actually, I think that they’re just whining because they’re no longer first in line. I bet the rocket is an attempt to upstage the ISS crew.)

(These guys are such teddy bears. Remember, NO DANCING!)

The EU is all full of themselves because the US selected an British-Italian chopper to be the new Marine 1. Expect to see an EH101 helicopter escort this year.

The RAF has been really REALLY quiet about their plans. Methinks we have a mole at the Pole. Have you been tipping them off? All we need is for the Fleet Street rags to be publishing pictures of their para-commandos swooping around your Sleigh, while you're humping a bag along the roofline at Buckingham Palace. Give, Santa. What's up?

Believe it or not, the Eastern Med and Mideast have improved considerably, so give it your best shot. You still have MARS nap-of-the-earth capability, and don't hesitate to have Liddy configure the Jovian Top Coat as desert camouflage or sky-patterned stealth. Mikey will still be on call. (Actually, I think he's going to stow away on the Mideast Station ARGOS dirigible. Don't be surprised if he gets dumped into one of your bags.)

Once again, South Central and Southeast Asia are going to do the anti-collision lights gesture. (Gosh, is this a tradition, now?) Liddy has programmed some banner signs into the exterior, all in the native languages and alphabets, so I think they'll have a ton of fun.

China has made a special request. They've recently gone mondo cellular, telephone-wise, and they've assigned you a cell. Not a number, a cell. When you overfly, all of the local cell phone will ring with a "From Santa" text message. All of the folks will then run outside with a flashlight, candle, drop light, or whatever. If you time it right the crew of the International Space Station can get video of the traveling light bloom. They've promised to try, and I think it would be pretty nifty. You look so nice in backlighting!

Japan hasn't asked for anything special, so just stuff 'em and run.

Australia has asked if you like beer. They've also been mounting water cannon on the Sidney bridge. Two plus two equals four, and I have a.) one comment, b.) one question, and c.) one suggestion.

a.) Yes, SASSy will protect the Sleigh from any precipitation by deflecting it.
b.) Do you feel slightly naughty this year?
c.) Fly down the center lane of the bridge. They'll hose each other AND the crowd.

In addition to the standard run, treat Africa to the snowstorm mode of BOSCOE.

South America and Central America just get more creative every year. They're sending up the balloons again, but, starting with Rio, you'll see several carnival-painted ultra-light aircraft, lighted from below with gaily-colored spotlights, circling around the balloons. This is an elaborate cell-phone-camera op. They've got some kind of "Who can get the best/most Santa air-dancing at Carnival" photo contest running. I say indulge them. Just keep it slow, those ultralights are kinda fragile.

Nothing new this year with the Air National Guard and Canadian Air Defense units and their escort slots again. Same-same. Use the star-shaped gumdrop on the upper right corner of the MFD to get the list and NORAD will handle traffic. I'd recommend spending some extra time on the Gulf Coast. They've had a pretty bad time of it this year.

That's the brief. Any questions, IM me. I'm off to go launch some dirigibles.

See you at Midnight!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(c) 2003 - 2005 Thomas Quinn
Permission to copy, reprint or forward with attribution
granted to anyone (and everyone) with Christmas Spirit!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ATTACHMENT 2 - 2004 BRIEF

08:00 ZULU, 23 DEC 2004
South Pole Systems Test Facility
Kris Kringle, Inc., Delivery Division, Sleigh Ops

From: Tom Hollis, Chief Engineering Elf
To: Santa Claus

RE: 2004 Sleigh Upgrades and Flight Ops.

Santa,

Whew! Can you believe it? This year we actually finished a day before Christmas Eve. That leaves us one full day for test and rehearsal ops. If you can squeeze in an hour this afternoon, we'll have the Engineering Team on hand while you to get in some reins-time on the latest mods.

This year there are five system upgrades and one personnel change, all of which we have to review before "Sleigh's away!" As usual, I apologize for the length of this report, but you're going to LOVE the stuff. Here's the list:

1.) Mikey's replacement / your new co-pilot
2.) Multiple Adaptive Runner System (MARS)
3.) Unmanned Christmas Eve Vehicles (UCEVs)
4.) Gift Positioning System (GPS)
5.) Realtime Christmas Message System (RCMS)
6.) Flight Ops, IFF, In-Country Situations, etc.

Mikey's niece, Jeannie, is your new right-seater.

I know that you're really big on tradition, and Christmas Eve has been "boys' night out" for centuries, but Jeannie really is the elf for the job for several good reasons.

First, she was the system integration and test lead on the ONNHRS system (see last year's brief, attached) and she was with you on last year's run. ONNHRS worked like a charm, right? That shows that Jeannie's design is top notch, and that she can keep this complex gear running in the field.

Second, it turns out that Jeannie is the best natural Sleigh jock we've seen in nigh on three centuries. (Not counting you, of course.) Mrs. C noticed her handling of the Sleigh during the summer (Antarctic) test hops for this year's gear, and recognized her superior driving talents right away. She and Liddy have been training Jeannie in Sleigh ACM (Advanced Christmas Maneuvering) on the simulator and the backup Sleigh since August. In this short time, Jeannie's broken pretty much all of the training records.

Thirdly, er, wait one... Before we go any further, I'd like to state, for the record, that Mrs. Claus and her really big, wooden soup spoon are right next to me, and my dear wife Liddy and her rock maple rolling pin are on the other side, and they are "assisting" me with this section of the report.

The ladies have encouraged me to remind you of a few things. (Actually, they reminded me first, I'm kinda fuzzy on the details of the latter portions of last Saturday's party.)
Anyhow:

a.) You were the Santa-of-Ceremonies at Mikey's retirement party, and
b.) YOU were the one who spiked the rum cake, the egg nog, AND the snow cones, and
c.) You were the one doing COUPLES TEAM LIMBO WITH MIKEY'S NIECE!, and
d.) They have it all on video. High definition, digital video. With sound.

Thirdly, most folks around here think you're a great guy, they really love the tradition thing, but you can sometimes carry it to an extreme, pushing just a little into the "stodgy" mode. In particular, the women-folk have noticed a tendency for you to only showcase the male half of the team when it comes to field ops. Note Mikey and the young bucks up front pulling for you.

So, the ladies have conspir... er, organized a little bit and have produced a top-notch co-pilot for you who just happens to be a girl elf. We all know that you'll "go with the flow" and accept a lady's touch on Christmas Eve. Have fun!

(Otherwise, there's always that video and the Internet...)

OK, they're gone now. Seriously boss, I recommend taking Jeannie. Having her along will really help with last minute little girl and little boy gift selections. It's amazing how tech-savvy kids are today and Jeannie knows tech. Also, there are a few rough spots on the ride, and she really can handle the rig.

Santa-Dude, most righteously, I kid you not. I've taken two check rides with Jeannie. She's slicker than buttered runners. Her call sign is "Mistletoe."

Enough Personnel stuff. On to the gear.

2.) You will notice a new set of runners with a really tricked blue-gray-silver color scheme. Well, the Russian elf contingent has called in some serious favors from the folks over at Illyusin and those runners are the result. It's all very hush-hush materials science stuff but the Multiple Adaptive Runner System (MARS) can actually change shape and resiliency on the fly.

The bluish undersides are several orders of magnitude harder than the old steel ones and can stand up to anything, including sand. Obviously, you'll be doing many sand landings this year. The gray-silver uppers will cushion high-G landings and they are self-leveling.

One really neat advanced MARS function is that the curly ends can straighten out. The main reason for this is so that they can serve as docking stations. This is particularly useful what comes next.

3.) When you first lift, don't be alarmed when you see four red-and-green, bug-eyed shiny things lift with you. They look like a cross between a pixie, a dragonfly, and radio-controlled airplane. Two will be the size of sparrows, and two will be a little bigger than a large eagle.

These are your brand spanking new Unmanned Christmas Eve Vehicles or UCEVs. They are your "eyes in the sky," and they are completely way cool.

Glance at the ONNHRS display. Note the little Pixie markers just outside the gumdrops on the four corners. Touch a Pixie's wings, and the main Honors display instantly switches to show what the Pixie or Presenter is seeing. (Uh, the real Pixies did the flight control programming on the UCEVs, so they insisted on naming them and decorating them. We call the little ones Pixies and the big ones Presenters. Put the accent on "present." Make sure you compliment the paint jobs.) Honors has voice recognition, so if you want to re-task one of the flitters, just ask for what you want. Calling "Pixie One" or "Presenter Two" will select them without touching the console.

The UCEVs are pretty autonomous, and they are programmed to scout ahead to the next name / location from the Naughty-or-Nice database. This will come in super-handy for checking to make sure there are no sneaky-peekers waiting to catch a glimpse of the Jolly Old Elf. Use the Presenters to scan the roof for obstructions and the yard for amateur videographers, and use the Pixies to check down the chimney and behind the sofa.

The co-pilot station has a scaled-down Honors display just for UCEV control, and Jeannie can handle this for you if you'd like. On long hops (i.e., over water), she'll dock the Presenter on the back rails, and the Pixies at the front.

4.) You may be wondering if we added to much workload, what with the UCEVs and such. Don't worry. You job just got easier because we're introducing the Gift Positioning System (GPS).

Remember how, last year, all you had to do was bring up the next NONdb name, fly the sled there, and set the hover mode? Well now, the sleigh will fly itself to the location and enter auto hover for you.

(Santa, Marwhan and the elves in the software section get the extra cookies this year. According to them, the GPS works by locking onto several stars and triangulating the Sleigh's position. They have cataloged hundreds of stars by what they call "twinkle coefficient" and can locate the Sleigh within an inch or two anywhere on the planet. Apparently, stars "twinkle" in visible and non-visible wavelengths, so they can even use them underground, or in the fog. Cool. Marwhan's team bolted the "go fly there" code to the guidance package and Voila! You have an autopilot.)

To use the GPS, just bring up the next name as usual on the ONNHRS and either double-tap the red-and-green gumdrop, or (and this is LOTS more fun) just say the words "Hey Sleigh, make their day," and she'll zip in on her own. I know it's corny, but they're software engineers, after all.

5.) The Realtime Christmas Message System (RCMS) is just a follow-on to last year's Christmas image delivery idea. This year, you can still pop a hard copy picture out of your bag, but you can also e-Mail a greeting, send an instant message, send a text message, and even attach a ring tone! Just grab the little candy-striped microphone from the upper left on the console (it's cordless) and dictate your message. There's a auto-tracking camera built in to that corner of the console for front shots, or, if you press the Pixie symbol while the mike is hot, the nearest Pixie or Presenter will feed a shot of Santa, a cute red-headed Elf, and the Sleigh. There's a slider on the microphone handle for zooming in and out.

6.) Flight Ops. Mrs. Claus co-piloted while Jeannie ran the Sleigh out to Mars on the speed run. The Martians did their usual fabulous job detailing the red exterior. On the way back she got an 86.334% "Nice" reading on Honors. Hooray, we improving!

I back-seated for the performance check this morning (Note: Be sure to thank Urg-Og the snow-giant again) and there's only one nit. If you're going to push above Mach 1, make sure you dock the UCEVs. They are subsonic only.

The chasers and dispensers are all on line.

As usual, we have escorts aplenty this year. The Russians have promised not to "intercept" you this year (We'll believe that when we see it!), but they insist on seeing you do touch-and-go's at a bunch of locations. I think they're just looking for a chance to get footage aqnd brag about the new runners.

The EU is sending up six Joint Strike Fighters. They've asked for the usual program of aerobatics, but the Pixies have cooked up a surprise. It seem the UCEVs have a full flight demonstration routine as part of the mainline programming. It includes a truly amazing light show from their luminous, reactive paint jobs. Knock 'em dead.

The RAF contingent this year will be Harriers. I only have suspicions at this point, but I think one of our Pixies leaked word of the UCEVs to our UK friends. No doubt they will be displaying some V/STOL antics to try and upstage you. Don't worry, your Presenters can more than keep up with Harriers. If they get too silly, have Jeannie thump 'em. Assuage their hurt feelings with the chestnut dispensers.

The Eastern Med and Mideast are a mess, so we recommend nap-of-the-earth. One design goal of the MARS upgrade was to give this option. Let us know how it works out. Mikey will be on call and, if you need him, I'll run him out in the backup Sleigh.

South Central and Southeast Asia are going to do the anti-collision lights gesture again, and we've decided to reciprocate. We kinda stole their "million origami cranes" idea and did it one better. Your dispensers now have a "snowflake" setting. When you select this and hit the "dispense" gumdrop, you get a six second burst of these big snowflakes (about poker-chip sized) that are actually candyflakes. They are light enough to float gently down, they don't stain, and they come in three flavors; peppermint, maple, and gingerbread. They also light up quite strikingly in the anti-collision lights.

China and Japan have each asked for circling photo opportunities. You'll need to do one around the Forbidden City and one around Mount Fuji.

Australia wants a multi-city tour this year. The list is already programmed in. Don't go under the bridge at Sidney. I think they are hanging some lights and decorations under it.

Africa is quiet again this year, so it's a standard run.

South America and Central America are going to repeat their "Christmas Balloon Parade." Wasn't that a blast last year? Dust them with the snowflakes and make sure you bring back pictures! You got so excited last year, you plumb forgot to take any.

As for North America, we all saw you hamming it up with Norman Mineta for your Transportation Security Administration airspace permit. You looked swell. I noticed there were no ELVES to be seen and photographed. Grrr...

All of the Air National Guard and Canadian Air Defense units want escort slots again. The list of Units and Tail #s is under the star-shaped gumdrop on the upper right corner of the MFD. NORAD will run them in and out in the listed order. Make sure you tail-wag to the high-caps over NYC, DC, etc. They're working the holiday.

Well, that's the pre-brief. Let me go get the runners siliconed.

See you at Midnight!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(c) 2004 Thomas Quinn - Permission to copy granted to anyone with Christmas Spirit!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ATTACHMENT 3 - 2003 BRIEF

06:00 ZULU, 24 DEC 2003,
South Pole Systems Test Facility
Kris Kringle, Inc., Delivery Division, Sleigh Ops

From: Tom Hollis, Chief Engineering Elf
To: Santa Claus

RE: 2003 Sleigh Upgrades and Flight Ops.

Santa,

Thanks again for the few hours of Holiday Cheer last Saturday. The guys and gals were getting pretty stressed out debugging these modifications, and your visit was just the morale booster they needed. The snowball fight was an inspiration.

In a nutshell, we're completely operational, debugged, and back in business.

There are four really important upgrades and you're going to love them, but I have to go over the details with you prior to "lift and laugh." I apologize for the length of this brief. Here's the list:

1.) Time-and-Space Dilator (TASD) Effect and Area Effect Upgrade
2.) Bucket-of-Coal Eject (BOCE) Interface and Activation Control
3.) Gift Insertion / Targeting System (GITS) Replacement
4.) Flight Ops, IFF, In-Country Situations, etc.

1.) The TASD (We say "tasty") was a really tough nut to crack, big guy. Since 2001 we've been tracking a 380% increase in "Stay At Home" Christmases, and, frankly, I don't know how you've been keeping up with the workload increase. (I guess it's not SAINT Nicholas for nothing, eh?) But no more worries about over-clocking and having to hurry on-site. This is WAY cool.

The new Mark VI TASD has a 10exp4 ( That's ten thousand times more! ) time dial-down capability increase over the venerable Mark V. It also has a 64-fold increase in the area effect, and the Physics Section ( Science Lead Elf Natalyia was the go-getter on this one. She deserves many extra cookies. ) says you can easily mask an entire Carrier Battle Group, stuff their stockings, unload the turkey fixings, and clear out in less relative observable time than one radar sweep. VERY way cool!

The system uses the same panel control, the Cuckoo Clock dial, but now the range setting is field-adjustable. You set how big an area you want to cover in one stop by pulling the weight chains. Either way works (time is relative, you know!) and the difference in weight heights is proportional to the effect area. Flat neutral is about a one-room efficiency apartment, and up against the stops is about LA County. Reindeer will light up on the clock rim, indicating the area size. (They even prance!) Just Like the old unit, dial in your time estimate and poke the Cuckoo's nose to activate the system.

2.) The BOCE system hasn't changed but we re-worked the control. Just next to your left pinky-toe there's a small coal bucket. Just "kick the bucket" and the currently selected client gets the "naughty" gift. (See next for client selection.)

3.) Speaking of currently selected clients, I will now officially brag about my team. We have completely replaced the old analog Gift Insertion/Targeting System with the "On-board Naughty or Nice Household Registration System" (ONNHRS) or just the "Honors" system for short. No more having your co-pilot look people up in the Naughty-or-Nice Book and then flying the pipper onto the target. We've gone digital.

The system completely implements your HO-HO-HO (Hands-off, Hover-Over, Holiday Operations) "fly-by-wire" concept. The sleigh never actually has to touch down if you don't want it to. Just a slight extra pressure on the footboard disengages the system and sets you down, but feet up - you hover. (I know you like the unblemished look of a freshly snow-covered roof, and now you can "keep it clean.") AND once you get in position, if it's a moving target ( bus, train, ship, etc. ), all you have to do is "double tap" the footboard and the sleigh will hold position relative to the moving hover point. You'll feel the reins go servo. Just let go and step out. Very EXTREMELY way cool!

Now for gift selection and placement. The old "cross hairs" CRT is has been upgraded to a Multi-Function Display (MFD) and the colored gumdrops around the edge are mode and sensitivity selectors. The only one you'll really need is the bottom center ( The red / green striped one ) which is low enough that you can tap it with your knee or right foot. Hit it and you'll get a full-spectrum image enhancement of a forward-looking view, with the NON-Book data overlaid on the household map. The sleigh now has a complete, digitized, GIS map, including undergrounds (Thanks, Gnomes!) with resolution down to "not even a mouse" discrimination sensitivity. We've correlated it, the NON-Book, and your List, and we update the whole database in real-time. Trust me, Boss, we've checked it twice and it works like macaroons!

Using ONNHRS is as easy as chocolate cream pie. Touch the display anywhere to fire up the ONNHRS, line up Rudolf on a visit spot, tap the red-and-green gumdrop, and Viola!, all of the NON-Book and correlated List data is instantly displayed, overlaid on the forward looking view. Zoom in with the top-center (red-and-white) gumdrop, and reset with the bottom one. The surround drops will give you drill downs to individual records, good deeds, nasty habits, etc. Try them all out, they're fun. Remember, just a toe-tap and you're back at the master view.

The idea here was to keep you heads up and jolly. No more multi-tasking, quibbling with Mikey about spellings and address, etc. We think that this is going to make the crew's Christmas Eve a LOT more fun.

ONNHRS is all checked out, too. Ms. Claus ran the sleigh out to Mars on a speed run ( Don't worry, I sent Liddy with her as shotgun! ) and the Martians re-redded the exterior. On the way back she world-viewed (83.774% Nice - Not a bad year!) and managed to zoom onto a single fireplace from 18,000 km out. Good enough for me.

4.) Flight Ops. I personally ran the performance check this morning (Note: Be sure to thank Urg-Og the snow-giant, he really put up a storm!) and the old gal can still hold Mach 8 at any altitude, any weather. The seat-and-foot warmers work fine and TASD / ONNHRS interfaces perfectly with both of your bags, and both backups.

The perimeter chase lights have been programmed with every published IFF code and they'll auto-select based on your current location. ( I think we've got every secret code, too. I mean, c'mon, I work for Santa, and he pretty much knows everything! ) If you get into any trouble, the tinsel, roasted chestnut, and cotton candy dispensers are all on-line.

Now, as to escort. We've gotten a go for first insertion from the Russians, but no escort offer. Don't worry. There's just trying their old "Sneak up on Santa" game again, so there's two extra liters of Peppermint Vodka in the travel box for you to pay the "airspace tariff" after they "intercept" you and escort you to the "interrogation." Really, these tough guys are just a bunch of big kids! Just don't drink the vodka with them, and NO DANCING or you'll never get out of there.

The EU is sending up six Joint Strike Fighters. They've asked if you'd lead them in "Rudolf Loops" and "Santa Switchbacks" over a few capitals. Go nuts.

The RAF is sending up some rescue choppers. I think they're just trying to get video. It's your choice to humor them or not, but remember, they really like the roasted chestnuts so make sure you pop some over their base.

The Eastern Med and Mideast are a mess, but Mikey's riding right-seat and he speaks eight or ten of those languages. Let him handle diplomacy.

South Central and Southeast Asia have all banded together and decided to run all of their commercial traffic with anti-collision lights turned on from 01:00 to 02:00 local time in honor of you and the Season. I think this is a really nice gesture, and with the upgrades, you'll have the time and performance to reciprocate. Just use the HO-HO-HO upgrade to pace along side of them and deliver a few in-person "Merry, Merry's." Watch out for the wing tip turbulence.

China's REALLY heavy on fireworks this year, so keep the fire extinguisher handy. Mikey has a few dozen bottle rockets to shoot back. They get a big kick out of that.

Japan has asked for a fly-by on the bullet train. Go for it.

You have permission to go "under bridge" in Sidney. Wave to the Sheila's for me.

Africa's pretty quiet this year, so I think it's a standard run.

South America has teamed up with Central America and they think that they've kept their big welcome a secret, but we've found out. We're just keeping it secret from you! Don't worry, it's safe, and environmentally friendly. You're going to love it! (Just remember, lighter than air aircraft have the right of way under all international aviation treaties. Go slow.)

As for North America, every Air National Guard and Canadian Air Defense unit wants an escort slot. It will be a busy night. I've posted a list of Units and Tail #'s under the star shaped gumdrop on the upper right corner of the MFD. NORAD will run them in and out in the listed order. Make sure you tail-wag to the high-caps over NYC, DC, etc. They're working the holiday.

One last new item. You're going to have an extra set of hands in the back seat. Mikey's niece, Jeannie, is the lead software engineer on the ONNHRS project and she insists on being there for its first use. She wants to be able to chase down any glitches. Mikey backs her up on the request and I do too.

Mikey and I KNOW the code works right, and we're virtually certain that she was setting up for a boring ride. To remedy this, I've had the Electronics Shop retrofit the sleigh with about a two dozen digital cameras, about a badzillion megabytes of digital storage, and a satellite uplink. Here's the gig.

The Honors system has the capability to designate anybody and any household / residence. It was a simple software patch to link these two and now we can identify anyone who's away from home and family this year. This should include military men and women stationed in remote lands, government-service people, business travelers, medical professionals, charity workers, etc. Jeannie will run the image acquisition system from the back seat, and as time permits, if you'll ID these "out of towners" she'll snap a photo. She'll uplink it to South Pole Ops and we can make sure it gets delivered to their family by e-mail, or stuffed in with their presents. (We stuck a couple of photo printers in each of your bags.)

We all figured a photo of a loved one would be a lot better gift than a new blender. Let us know how the idea works out.

Well, that's the pre-brief. Let me go get the runners waxed.

See you at Midnight!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(c) 2003 Thomas Quinn - Permission to copy granted to anyone with Christmas Spirit!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Release date!

2006-11-06T10:21:00.000-08:00

I now have a release date for FINDING THE LIGHT, my Dark Mage story that is part of the Ellora's Cave Wild Winter Quickies series. These short novellas, which center around winter holidays, will be released on Wednesdays and Fridays in December. My story is a solstice tale.

FINDING THE LIGHT will be available for download on the 27th of December!

This is part of my Dark Mages series, which is set in the same Dar Ages world of magick as that of the Elementals. The Dark Mages walk in the shadows, a knife's edge balance between the Light they serve and the Darkness they battle. Here's the story teaser for FINDING THE LIGHT.

Dark Mage Moran is mortally wounded in a battle of magickal wills. Seeking a mage to heal him, he instead stumbles into a small village. Moran's work required celibacy. When he awakens in bed with a naked woman, he isn't certain if this is a fevered dream or she is a Yule gift, a reward from the Goddess.

The widow Enid is the only one with room and time to care for him. No mage, she has only a meager supply of herbs—and body heat. She can't resist the temptation presented by the handsome stranger. Yule is a time of celebration and sex represents the foundation of life.

Moran has lost his magick, but mayhap Enid offers something better.

I'll be posting excerpts as the release date draws closer!

Hugs,
Liddy

Site of the week: Mr. Winkle!

2006-10-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

Have any of you not been introduced to Mr. Winkle? He's properly called The Cutest Dog in the Universe.

I had the great good fortune to meet Mr. Winkle when he came to the King of Prussia Borders on his 2004 Fall Tour. He really is the softest creature I've ever touched. And he is soooo adorable!

Spend some time wandering around Mr. Winkle's home on the web. There's a lot to see there. Be sure to read about how he came to live with Lara Jo Regan. She lives in southern California now, but she grew up in Chester County, PA! It is a small world, and now you are separated from Mr. Winkle by fewer than six degrees.

Enjoy!

Hugs,
Liddy

Pet Peeve of the Week - Professional politicians

2006-10-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

I try not to get involved in political debates. In general, they're like trying to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig. Very few discussions about politics remain discussions and very few result in anyone coming away with a different perspective. Mostly, the combatants consider their opponents' behavior further proof of the validity of their original opinions.

However, with the recent appalling shenanigans in Washington, I feel I have to say something. Even if it's here, where no one I know is likely to read it.

WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING? They were sent to DC to act in the best interests of the public. They are NOT there to dally with pages or interns, nor to feather their own nests. It's public service. Or supposed to be. The dumbasses have forgotten that.

The worst thing is the excuses.

"Oh, it was a clerical error."

"I can't find those records."

"That was done by someone on my campaign committee. I didn't approve it."

Excuuuuuuuuuse me? That's right up there with, "The dog ate my homework," on the Ludicrous Scale. Out of sight, off the bottom reading on the PlausiMeter.

For once, I'd like to see an elected official stand up and say, "Yes, that's correct. It happened, here's how and why, and wow, was that a stupid thing for me to have done! No, I'm not going to mount a time-consuming waste of taxpayers' dollars fighting what I know is wrong."

They've been there too long. They've lost touch with what they are supposed to be doing. I don't care what political party they belong to (the perils of an entrenched two-party system are another rant, for another day). I don't care who their daddies were. I don't care who gave them the campaign money that got them the exposure to build name recognition. I don't care whose coattails - or face - they stood on to get in office.

There are very few, and by that I mean damned near nonexistent, elected officials who are serious about their jobs. As in, they know their constituency, serve their constituency, and do not have a personal agenda of ramming their pet solution (environmental, social, educational, take your pick) down everyone's throats.

Why? Probably because we've put the fox in charge of the henhouse. Who decides the election rules for fundraising? Most of the elected officials in Washington are attorneys. It's a big mistake to put lawyers in charge of writing the laws. Talk about a medieval guild model!

The vast majority of Americans are nowhere near wealthy (too many of us live like we are, leveraged to the hilt, but that's also a different Pet Peeve), yet our national representatives are people who don't and never have lived the way we do. Professional politicians are wealthy or they can't run an effective campaign. If they weren't before they started to run for office, they had an influential and wealthy backer who has guided and financed them. They've either never been in touch with the average American or else it's been so long that they've forgotten there's a world out there beyond the Beltway. Crikeys, what would the Founding Fathers think of a president who'd never held a salaried job? (Not only that, what would they think of the way we hassle travelers in the name of safety?)

A senator left Congress in the 70s to run a motel in Connecticut (sorry, I can't remember which one - I'd hate to mislead anyone). He was appalled by the maze of paperwork and regulations he had to navigate to stay in business. He told reporters that, had he known before he was elected what running a small business was like, he would have used his time in Washington very differently. That's a telling remark (and damn it, I wish I could remember who it was!).

One solution I see is to limit terms and eliminate perks like pensions. It's public service. It's not supposed to be a career. When their two terms are over, let's make them go get real jobs!

Hugs,
Liddy, who hasn't had her soapbox out in a while LOL

Site of the Week: Pumpkin inspiration!

2006-10-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

How many of us make boring jack-o-lanterns for our porches in October? I have to raise my hand. We do, however, supplement that with our traditional SpiderWeb Barbie. The neighborhood kids just love seeing Barbie strung upside-down in a rope web. I'll have to dig out a picture and post it here for you to gawk at.

A few years ago, I attended the Pumpkin Festival in Keene, NH. Now that's a huge deal! Every year, there's a rivalry between Keene and a few other towns for the most carved pumpkins on display. I can't recall how many signs I saw urging people to bring their contributions to the communial effort to "Squash the Record!"

There were towering stands erected (by the fire department, it had to have been involved, because no one else would be able to get up there and light those carved wonders on the upper tiers, which were thirty or forty feet high) at each end of the town center, and lower stands all around. Everyone was crammed with carved pumpkins, most of them lit. After dark, it was an incredible sight - flickering grins and menacing glowers all over the place. There were sophisticated carvings, some of which only penetrated the skin, leaving patterns in the thinned-out meat to glow from within. There were crude faces as well as masterful interpretations of Elvis, Dale Earnhardt -- and some that could have been either Albert Einstein or Tweety!

Few of those compare with the examples on display at Extreme Pumpkin carving. This is a fabulously entertaining site! Browse, get inspired for your pumpkin carving, or share this with friends.

These are my two favorites from the Extreme Pumpkins site. The one on the right reminds me of the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon, where Calvin built snowmen and placed them as though his father's car had hit one of them, knocking it all over.

Many thanks to Jan Springer, who found the site first.

Hugs,
Liddy

Sort-of seasonal, sort-of humor

2006-10-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. The drunk stood there, swaying unsteadily, staring down at the sheets.

A hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring at the soiled mess, replied in a tone of wonder, "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

Site of the week: FSM

2006-10-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'm getting this out there a day early, because I'm goofing off for the moment. Tomorrow I have to knuckle down and get edits wrapped up for FINDING THE LIGHT, my Wild Winter Quickie coming from EC in December.

Starting this week, I'm going to recommend an interesting or funny or thought-provoking site to you on Fridays. I have a number of live-cam sites that I check out regularly; those will fall into this category. (No, get your mind out of the gutter. None of them feature young studs in their dorm rooms. They're more likely to be shots of a hawk's nest on a high-rise or a kangaroo mouse den.)

This week's site is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. An enterprising young physicist decided to lampoon the court cases and legislation promoting the teaching of Intelligent Design in schools, and has put together a site that is pure genius. I quote from one of the pages on his site:

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

Please take the time to explore the site. There are hysterical and very appropriate endorsements from the scientific community as well as some compelling evidence to support the theory of FSM. You may even find yourself becoming a Pastafarian! There is wonderful artwork and a wide selection of merchandise to proclaim your support for this farce.

May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage!

Ramen!

Pet peeve of the week

2006-10-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

This week is my Catching Up Week. One thing I've been remiss in doing is bringing you my weekly gripe. I got caught up in the wonder of the butterflies and lost track of what I was supposed to be doing! (Oops, wrong usage of 'caught up' in that sentence. :blush:) A few deadlines intervened, too.

So my Pet Peeve this week is, Why do many people dehumanize those of whom they speak?

When mentioning someone, either by name, or by description (a woman, a man, a cashier, a tenant, etc.), too many people refer to them as "that" rather than "who". I'm talking about the news anchor, your neighbor, your brother -- ye gods, even authors are guilty of this!

Proper phrasing is, "Nineteen students who came to the capitol spoke with their representatives." NOT "Nineteen students that..." They're people, which makes them a "who", not a "that" or a "what". Apologies to all of you colloquial speakers -- "Them what has, gets," is universally acknowledged as incorrect. Perhaps folksy and pithy, but seriously flawed from a grammatical standpoint. You should use "that" when talking about kangaroos or limosines, not folks like you and me!

Try counting the occurrences of this that you hear or see every day. The number will grow far beyond what you expect. Sort of like the number of manhole covers on the stretch of North Valley Road between Lancaster Pike and Swedesford Road in Paoli, but that's a story for another day. (I think there's a secret underground alien installation. Or else the government maintains some sort of nefarious research facility beneath the road. There's a story there somewhere...)

I've ranted before about the perils of Big Houses, and this makes me wonder if this particular bit of imprecision in our language is contributing to the general increase in rudeness our culture exhibits. If you don't think we're becoming a rude nation, try driving on a highway at rush hour.

And if you're talking about me, I'm definitely a "who"!

Hugs,
Liddy

Rules to live by at Halloween

2006-10-10T14:34:00.000-07:00

It's getting closer to Halloween, and it's never too early to start practicing your survival skills! Here are a few tips to help you get through this potentially dangerous season.

When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house, move away immediately. Don't even go inside to pack. Hire moving professionals for that. Let them take the risks.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice that is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared and stay the course. Reload immediately.

When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's only the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life. Leave the cat behind, just in case.

If any appliances start operating by themselves, move out. Preferably several states away.

Do not take *anything* from the dead. No matter what they promise. No exceptions!

If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, including those listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Indiana.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. (Cell phones have made life safer. Make sure yours is charged. Do not drive into areas without adequate coverage.)

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

I hope this helps!

Hugs,
Liddy

New Reviews!

2006-10-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

While I was busy watching butterflies - hmm, is that anything like stopping to smell the roses? - and pounding my keyboard, finishing two stories, several new reviews piled up in my Inbox.

REVIEWS for ROGUES (a collaboration by Liddy Midnight and Cricket Starr)

"ROGUES is a superbly crafted erotic tale. I wasn't sure initially that I'd be able to get into the story when the opening scene is such an eye opener with Thomas and Rick having sex. However, within a few chapters I realized that while ROGUES definitely has its share of outstanding and extreme heat inducing sex scenes, there is a lot more going on in this little gem. The characters are well developed, and the twists and surprises in the plot make for an excellent mystery and adventure. Thomas is more than one hundred years old, and yet Rick is often the calm, rational mature partner in the relationship. Thomas is sometimes like a young boy, and his exuberance often makes Rick act the heavy. Rick is a solid, dependable and ultra sexy man. He is intelligent as well as kind and thoughtful. Harriet is a tough woman on the outside, but inside she churns with uncertainty. She loves Rick and Thomas but is sure when they learn the truth about her they will walk away. Elvie, the AI on the ship, is a fun addition to this crew and adds a lot of humor to the tale.

"The plot is crafted and executed well, and even with the scorching sex scenes between all of them and each of them as a pair, the tension of the mystery the three need to solve never abates. Suspense, action, adventure and high octane sex guarantee that ROGUES will be a hit with readers. I highly recommend ROGUES for its excellent writing, fully fleshed characters, fascinating plot -- and oh yeah, some very well crafted love scenes."
Terrie Figueroa, for Romance Reviews Today

"I loved each moment of this book because it had everything, adventure, danger, excitement and mostly love, love for each other and the lengths they would go to ensure their own happiness. These two authors certainly know how to tell a tale and their characters reflect that. If you want to read about a space adventure with a whole lot of hot, sexy interludes then get this book and experience it for yourself, you'll kick yourself if you don't."
Sherryl, for eCataromance

"These rogues mix fun, intrigue, heroics, and, oh yes, sex.

"Drama is interspersed with a constant naughty sensibility so that sex is never far from the heroes' (or reader's) mind. I enjoyed this ride through a future universe with these three and the humorous computer character, Elvie. The story unfolded smoothly with always a wink toward fun. Even the evil villain has an impressive collection of sex toys. In addition to the fun, I felt a genuine affection for the characters and the way they cared for each other. Take a ride on their ship, The Sleepwalker; sleep is something you won't mind missing with this crew."
Kirra Pierce, for JERR

"I'd like a ride on the Sleepwalker please. Where do I sign up? Rogues is a sexy romp through space that's sure to leave you panting for breath from the action in and out of the bedroom. The chemistry between Thomas and Rick is scorching hot and with the addition of Harriet I wasn't sure if I'd survive to the end of the book. While Thomas is physically stronger of the trio Rick is the definitive alpha of their relationship and his ability to be both strong and tender makes the reader sigh with pleasure. The story is quick to zoom you into space with Thomas and Rick and threatens to keep you there indefinitely wishing for more. The Sleepwalker itself is an extremely amusing secondary character in the story and you find yourself caring for it just as much as the main characters, not to mention she's funny as heck! This is the first book that I've ready by this amazing duo though I'll be keeping my eye out for any of their other works from here on out. "
Larissa Hayes, for The Romance Studio

And a very nice review for DREAMS OF THE OASIS 1, also at The Romance Studio.

It's been a good month for reviews!

Now I'm off to Home Depot (again) for things we need to complete the Kitchen Renovation, Part 2: Electrical wiring!

Hugs,
Liddy

Another Top Ten: Asleep at your desk

2006-10-03T16:45:00.000-07:00

Ten Best Things to Say if You're Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot...."

And the #l best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk....
1. ".... "Amen."

Hugs,
Liddy

Butterfly Finale

2006-10-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

I have watched each chrysalis carefully, from its creation. The final tally was that eight of the thirteen hatched as butterflies. That's about 60% of the cohort, for you statisticians out there. I don't think that's a bad number. It's a dangerous world out there! Three of the pupae disappeared, either weedwhacked into oblivion or blown away by storms. Two of what used to be caterpillars inside have liquified, into a stinky goo.

Here are the last photos, of one on the left with its wings still slightly furled - a different perspective than I got before - and one above of a completely open butterfly. I like this one, because you can see how the abdomen became elongated and slender as the butterfly relaxed, no longer compressed inside the tiny chrysalis.

I hope you enjoyed these, and I'll be roaming about with my camera next summer, looking for more pictures of the continuing beauty pageant that nature provides.

Hugs,
Liddy

Witnessing a Miracle, Part 2

2006-09-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! Blogger is cooperating on uploading the pictures! Here's the rest of my story from Monday...

I brought my dishes inside and hit the loo before I went back. Fortunately, I had the camera in my hand when I ducked back out to take a peek, because the butterfly was already halfway out!

Just like us, the butterflies emerge head-first. See the long legs to the left in this shot? And it practically explodes in size once the chrysalis is breached. BTW, the legs are dark blue in color. I never knew that.

One of the first things I noticed was how fat the abdomen was. And how tiny the wings were! It didn't appear that the butterfly was normal, because I expected the wings to be more wrinkled. They looked only a bit crumpled but fairly normal other than that, just very small.

As the minutes ticked by and nothing changed with the wings, I figured I'd coddled and encouraged a mutant who would never fly. The one that I finally get to see, and have a camera handy to document, is the one that's got something wrong with it!

In these pictures, you can see how the wings just expanded rather than uncrumpled. They were a little rippled in the beginning, but I'd describe the sequence as more like a balloon being blown up than how a piece of mylar paper wadded up in your fist unfolds when you open your hand. I really couldn't tell how large the wings would become. I almost held my breath, hoping it would be a normal butterfly! The bulk in the abdomen also was slowly redistributed, as the butterfly's body elongated and fit more neatly between the wings. See how chubby the butterfly still is in the first two of these pictures? There was no sign fo that bulge by the time the wings were completely open.

Blogger has decided that I've got enough photos in this post, so I'll rearrange and upload a few more later. This whole thing was fascinating and I'm delighted to share it with you. Yesterday two more emerged, the one under the lip of the catnip planter and one from the day lilies. I couldn't spend as much time out there but I did check in on them and snap a few shots throughout the day.

I've learned that there are some home-schoolers who are using this blog to track the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly, which is unbelievably cool. This is the sort of thing that Moogie (my mom) made sure we knew and understood. My family members all have a strong scientific curiousity about the world around us, and it does make life more interesting. Enjoy!

Hugs,
Liddy

Witnessing a miracle

2006-09-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

This morning I went outside to check the progress of the transformations occurring around the yard. And what do I see? TWO of the butterflies were ready to emerge! One of the two on the bottom of the cornerpost of the house and one in the day lilies. Each chrysalis had become transparent, showing the gorgeous color of the wings inside.

See the difference here? The one that's ready to pop has increased in size. That's the pressure of the developing butterfly! Look out, it's gonna BLOW!

I resolved to catch one in the act. To that end, I took my breakfast outside and ate on the porch, facing the one most ready to hatch. Of course, nothing happened while I was there.

Hugs,
Liddy

Brief Joke of the Week

2006-09-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

Here goes. It's bad. Don't say I didn't warn you!

TRAGEDY IN HILLBILLY HOLLER

The worst air disaster ever recorded in the county occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery here early this morning.
Junior and Bubba, toiling as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far. Officials expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

The Great Emergence!

2006-09-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

I posted the last one not twenty minutes ago, and I just went to show a neighbor how the orange color was showing, and the butterfly was there! I feel like I'm a mommy. LOL If I'd hung around to pull up weeds, I would've caught it as it emerged. I know they're wrinkled when they first appear, after being scrunched up inside that little capsule. But this one is ready for flight! And the chrysalis is totally transparent.

Hugs,
Liddy

More color!

2006-09-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

It's now three hours later, and here's the picture I just took. I didn't need to enhance the color at all. It's developing!

I have to go out now, but I'll pop back before dark to check the butterfly's progress. What drama! What suspense!

Are you on the edge of your seat? I am!

Hugs,
Liddy

Almost there!

2006-09-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Today I saw something new when I checked the progress of the monarchs. Two of the pupae have begun to become transparent! The orange and black colors of the butterfly can be clearly seen in one; the other still is a little waxy in appearance. I can make out the dark lines of the pattern but the orange doesn't come through yet. I enhanced the colors a bit in this photo to make it more obvious. I hope you can see it.

Of course, I've been popping out the door every twenty minutes or so to check on that one (it's on the side of the house, just above the foundation) because I'm afraid I'll miss the Great Emergence!

I have a commitment to help set up a booth at a tradeshow this afternoon. I'll check when I can. If I miss this one, there are a bunch more for me to try to surprise in the act.

Hugs,
Liddy

New Review for VENUS RISING!

2006-09-06T13:04:00.000-07:00

Since it came out in paperback, I don't think there's been a review, until now. And the reviewer loved it!

"The danger, intrigue, and hot sex are wrapped up in a solid plot, complete with sympathetic and believable characters. Sara is bound by duty to complete her mission without blowing her cover, so the conflict she experiences in having to lie to Link is very compelling. The chemistry between the characters is explosive and the sex scenes are hot enough to melt your screen. Just when I thought the story was winding down, the authors surprised me with another twist. I could not put this down until I finished the story. Venus Rising is a blend of science fiction, suspense, romance, and pure sex that I think you will find completely enthralling." Read it all

Woo-hoo! I love collaborating with Ann Onymous; we have to get cracking on a new story. Several ideas are in the works, but nothing's coalesced yet. This just might be the incentive to get 'er done!

Hugs,
Liddy

The most unlikely places...

2006-09-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

have a chrysalis! Today I discovered four more, and they were formed on the leaves and dead flower stalks of day lilies. That's not a very secure or stable location, as far as I'm concerned. One was hidden down in the leaves.

If they don't hatch soon, the leaves will be dead and on the ground when the butterfly emerges!

They are gorgeous, aren't they?

When does a chrysalis form?

2006-09-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

Here's a night shot of the one hanging on the catnip planter. It formed after dark on Friday night. All of the ones that have formed or been located since Friday morning have been opaque and waxy, with gold metallic markings. They look much sturdier than the first one I was following.

The photo doesn't look that great, but I'm delighted - I use a Sony Mavica, and this was after dark, when I could see absolutely nothing in the display on the back of the camera! The flash worked well and I had it properly aimed. Some of the catnip in the planter is in focus and the chrysalis somewhat less so. The color shows up well, and the shape is distinctive enough for it to be instantly recognizable.

I now have a sample of four, and I have to say that the worms don't always wait until dark. Early this afternoon, while I was running errands--in daylight--the caterpillar that was hanging upside down yesterday and this morning formed its pupa!

The picture on the left is the one that formed in early afternoon. The one on the right had the matallic look to it this morning, which made me expect it to form the chrysalis tomorrow. It made one later this afternoon!

There are still a number of large caterpillars on the milkweed, as well as a few smaller ones. I haven't seen any new tiny guys in over a week. The rain and cooler weather appears to have inhibited the butterflies from laying eggs, or else kept those eggs from hatching. Here's a shot of the busiest section I could find. How many caterpillars do you see?

Hugs,
Liddy

The saga continues...

2006-09-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I dusted off my hands and got out the camera again. It was time to search for more caterpillars on their way to butterflyhood.

Just how far can a caterpillar crawl? Pretty danged far! The monarchs eat only milkweed, so I know where they had to originate. I found a cluster of three of them, already in chrysalis form, about 15 feet away from the milkweed stand.

You may notice something about these. They're very shiny and a lot more solid than the first one I found. The covering on that one looked almost thin in comparison, and grew thinner as the days passed. There were the same golden metallic spots but it quickly lost the smooth opacity of these. That's gotten me to thinking. Maybe the first one wasn't actually going to hatch. That sure helps me feel better about losing it!

I also located another caterpillar hanging upside down in its comma shape, this time on the back of the redwood catnip planter. I took pix yesterday (left) and this morning (right). There wasn't much change overnight; I suspect the cool weather may have slowed down its metamorphosis. It appears to be acquiring a green-gold metallic sheen. I hope you can see that in these shots. (The most recent one, to the right, has a drop of rain on it.)

I hope this one develops nicely right where it is. There's absolutely no reason for it to be disturbed--it's on the side of the planter away from the street and also several feet away from any weeds--out of reach of an overzealous weedwhacker! I'm going to check it in a few hours to see if there's any further change. The cool weather (temps in the 60s) may have slowed down the process to where I can get photos as the metamorphosis occurs.

Hugs,
Liddy

DISASTER! ! !

2006-09-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

I am devastated. Simply devastated.

Disaster has struck, in the form of the neighbor who does our yard work. He knows not to touch the milkweed in the garden. He has never weedwhacked the area bordering the street - until last evening.

This morning, as is my wont, I went out to count caterpillars and see how the milkweed leaf supply is holding up. You can't imagine my horror when I saw only a ravaged stem where the small plant bearing the chrysalis stood yesterday. Only a few tattered leaves remained, scattered on the macadam. I picked through them, seeking some bits or perhaps the entire thing. No luck.

I came into the house in tears. Hey, I admit it. What else would you expect? I weep at sappy commercials on TV - and I had invested some emotion, to say nothing of time, in this little creature! And if you can't understand why I mourn the loss of one of these gorgeous butterflies, there's something amiss.

Mistah Midnight came out to examine the area and declared there wasn't enough debris to account for the entire plant. Our search widened beyond the immediate vicinity. We couldn't find where the gardener (that sounds so much better than yard man, doesn't it?) had tossed the stalk, or any of the other yard detritus.

I couldn't go over, all red-eyed and weepy, to ask him what he did with the trash. (My neighbors already think I'm a bit odd, since a while ago I trapped for eight months for a runaway indoor cat - I'm sure they phrase it a little more colorfully than that.) Mistah Midnight, bless his heart, did, but the guy wasn't home.

So, the chrysalis is gone. Probably bagged up and tossed in the back of the truck and on its way to a landfill somewhere. I just hope the bag lands on top and breaks open, so there's an off-chance the thing hatches.

While I was emoing all over the place, I decided that I couldn't just abandon the monarchs and my reports here on my blog. Through my tears, I began casting around for where else the caterpillars might have gone to pupate.

I'll post again later with a report. I've got to wash my face and help with the kitchen renovations. And yes, I know I'm evil! :-) But that report doesn't belong under the same heading as this post. So I'll be back later.

Hugs,
Liddy

Today's Chrysalis

2006-08-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

There's not been a lot of change over the past week, although it is possible now to see more of the internal details. I believe I can make out some of the black markings on the developing butterfly's wings!

On the negative side, the stand of milkweed is not holding up to the predations of the caterpillars. There are lots of stripped stems, and ever fewer leaves for them to munch. Aphids took care of the very new growth at the top of the stalks and have effectively stopped any more leaves from forming.

I'm worried that some of the caterpillars will starve when all of the leaves are gone. It's been so terribly dry here over the past month - the drought just broke this week. We've had over five inches of rain since Saturday, but that isn't enough to bolster the growth enough to feed the developing caterpillars. I take comfort in the fact that most of the caterpillars now are huge, almost ready to pupate. This would be a good thing, removing them from the competition for the remaining leaves. In a few weeks, I'll harvest the seeds from the drying pods and sow them on the side of the house, where there's a garden that's not very visible from the rest of the property. There's plenty of room there for a bigger stand of milkweed, and I won't get hassled about it looked ratty! Next year that will be a supplemental food source, although it will take about three years for the plants to be large enough to support a large population.

Thank you for your interest in this! I know there are a lot more of you who visit than I thought. That's nice, and I had no idea my blog was attracting more than the few who comment.

Hugs,
Liddy

Monarch Update!

2006-08-24T14:55:00.000-07:00

Here's the chrysalis, on Day 2. It's already a bit darker than it was yesterday morning. As the butterfly-to-be inside develops the exterior becomes transparent, until just before it emerges, the orange and black of the butterfly can be clearly seen.

Today I counted 18 caterpillars, and I found one ten feet away from the milkweed garden, working its way up the front of our porch. I returned it to the stand of milkweed, because I'm an interfering busybody. LOL

In the photo to the right, there are six, count 'em, six caterpillars visible. The most difficult one to see is under the leaf in the upper right, and that's because you're looking at it head-on.

The smaller ones are sometimes hard to find, both because they're not as big but also because they're solid green. The stripes develop as they grow. (There aren't any of those in this shot, as far as I know.)

I'll keep updating this, in case anyone's interested!

Hugs,
Liddy

Yard pictures

2006-08-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone!

I was nerking around outside this morning with the cats, and our tattered tux, Bibster, hopped up into the catnip planter and wormed his wayinto the middle of the plant. Last fall, he killed a lovely mum out back by rolling in the center of it every day and sleeping there in the sun, sheltered from the cool autumn breeze by its leaves. I hope the catnip is hardier!

I've just posted about the monarch caterpillars I noticed this morning, too, over on the MEA blog. Tuesday is my day over there, so please, come check it out and join me! We're a fun bunch.

Oh, and you can win lots of lovely prizes! August is our first month on the web, and we're giving away a download a day. Good luck!

I'm going to update this throughout the afternoon. I just discovered one of the monarch caterpillars is getting ready to form its chrysalis. This is something that takes only about two hours, so I've set a timer to get pictures over that time frame. Here's the first one!

Here's the second one.

At first I was racing outside every 15 minutes, to catch the action. Then it was every half hour. Four hours later, there's been no change whatsoever. I suppose it might take two hours for the critter to make a cocoon, but dang it, it's going to take a long time for the clock to start ticking!

Hugs,
Liddy

SQUEEEEEEE!

2006-08-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

I just learned that DREAMS OF THE OASIS 1, in which there is one of my stories, has been given an eCataromance Reviewers' Choice Award! This is soooo cool. My favorite awards are those given by reviewers, since they read all of the books and know everything that's on the market. If they like it, I know it's not just good but great!

You can see the details and read the other winners at the eCataRomance site. I love that collection of stories, although the cover's a bit weird looking (the pose makes it look like the model's head was pasted onto his body - either that or he's straining to fart LMAO).

This is shaping up to be a wonderful month! Today this happens, and on Wednesday (the new moon, not a bad time to begin new endeavors!) ROGUES will be set loose.

Life is good.

Hugs,
Liddy

Tip for Living

2006-08-18T03:46:00.000-07:00

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies!

FACT: The Japanese eat relatively little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

FACT: The French eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

FACT: The Japanese drink relatively little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

FACT: The Italians drink generous amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

FACT: The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and other fatty foods and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Chuckle for the week...

2006-08-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

I have no idea where these come from. Someone has to make them up! I suppose I'm better off not knowing just who does. It might be a neighbor, and that would make me just a tad uncomfortable.

The other night we saw a new show by Jeff Foxworthy. He is a very funny man. He's got a new twist on his "You May be a Redneck if..." routine. This one takes on Redneck Fashion Tips. Among them: "If your toenails are three different colors and none of them are nail polish, say no to flipflops."

Here's a funny joke, and of course it's at a man's expense! LOL Seems like it's either men or blonde jokes that are the funniest lately. Apologies to both, but you have to admit, there are enough of you who fit the stereotype to perpetuate it.

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch, shootin' the breeze.
1st Hillbilly: "My wife sure is stupid!She bought an air conditioner."
2nd Hillbilly: "Why is that stupid?"
1st Hillbilly: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"
2nd Hillbilly: "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one-a them new fangled warshin' machines!"
1st Hillbilly: "Why's that so stupid?"
2nd Hillbilly: "Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"
3rd Hillbilly: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wives put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar."
1st and 2nd Hillbillies look at each other and chorus: "What's so dumb about that?"
3rd Hillbilly: "You idjits! She ain't got no pecker!"

Hugs,
Liddy

New Release Cover Art!

2006-08-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, baby, Syneca has done it again! Here's the cover for ROGUES, which comes out on the 23rd from Ellora's Cave. We just found out that it will be released then, and because of that, my webmistress is working on getting it up on my website. Since she's one busy lady with many projects going on right now, I thought I'd put it up here before the site is updated. You should get to see it as soon as possible, since you're my favorite people!

Is this hawt or what?

I can't wait until it's available, so I can see if you enjoy reading it as much as Cricket and I enjoyed writing it! This was in production for a while - I'm not a fast writer - and I'm tickled it will see daylight so soon after the edits were completed.

Pet Peeve of the Week - Deeply Disturbing Ads

2006-08-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

You know, there aren't that many shows that I watch on TV. I enjoy CSI (what can I say, I'm a ghoul!), Cold Case Files, Clean Sweep, Project Runway, Stargate SG-1, and I really enjoy both Eureka! and Dead Like Me. Oh, wow, maybe I watch more TV than I thought!

At any rate, I think some of the commercials are really quite entertaining. Among the ones that leap to mind are the Vonage ads, with people doing stupid things. Do-do, do-do-do. Who can avoid having that jingle run through their head? And the Geico gecko. Forget the other Geico ads, that cute little gecko is da bomb. Remember the Budweiser frogs? And the Taster's Choice soap opera series? Those are classics!

Then there are those I classify as DEEPLY DISTURBING. The most dreadful of those is the DirectTV ad with the huge fat guy and Mini-Me. What made anyone at an ad agency think that script would motivate anyone to pick up the phone and subscribe? Not me! I've put DirectTV on my Never Patronize That Service list, just because of that commercial. It's deeply disturbing on so many levels.

So, what ads are on your Pet Peeve list? Which ones do you find Deeply Disturbing? And which ones are your favorites?

Chuckle for the day

2006-08-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

Did you know who in 1923 was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men?

1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died with over $1.7 million in debt.
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, in 1941 was sentenced to prison for mail fraud and income tax evasion. He lived the rest of his life in "obscurity and ill health," dying in Brooklea Sanitarium at age 67 in in 1949.
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, proved to be a very poor manager of his own financial affairs. After serving time for embezzlement, he was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, is suspected of vast insider trading that led to the Great Crash of 1929 and was charged with tax exasion but died before his trial.
5. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, killed himself.

The same year, 1923, the first winner of all four of golf's Grand Slam titles, Gene Sarazan, won the PGA Tournament. He played golf until 1994, and died in 1999 at the age of 97, still solvent.

CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF

What a month!

2006-08-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

August is shaping up to be a wonderful month! After all of my griping about not having time to do anything, events are accelerating, too...hang on for the wild ride!

I learned today that ROGUES, the futuristic menage a trois with a vampire, a psychic and a werewolf that I wrote with Cricket Starr, should be released on the 23rd of THIS MONTH! Woo-hoo! I'm doing the happy dance!

Here's a blurb for the book:

A vampire, a psychic and a werewolf walk into a bar on Alpha Prime... (from 1,001 Stellar Jokes)

Thomas and Rick have a great partnership, exploring the stars and skirting the law. Vampire and companion for decades, they fill their down time aboard the Sleepwalker with sex and banter. Lately they've felt that something, or someone, is missing in their relationship. Rick is psychic not prescient, but he believes it's a woman. One destined to complete them, to be their perfect third.

Harriet is content with her life as a bank repo officer. She'd really like a desk job in accounting, but there are limits to what a werewolf with unusual talents can manage. Getting down and dirty with her marks, whatever sexual fantasies they promise to fulfill, isn't her practice. She has no such plans for the latest deadbeats she's sent to collar, and no idea they’re expecting her. Harriet never dreamed they might have a permanent arrangement in mind.

From the moment they meet, the three are ensnared in a web of desire, heat, and danger. As they untangle a conspiracy, racing to head off unthinkable disaster, they explore their sexual attraction and similar natures; after all, the three of them are ROGUES.

This book was a real hoot to write. We passed it back and forth, adding and tweaking as we went. I've never written anything this amusing. I love the ROGUES and their adventures, and hope you do, too. Oh, and we're going to start on a sequel. That's going to be a blast, too.

Have a great weekend!

Hugs,
Liddy

Pet Peeve of the Week - Schedules!

2006-08-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to blog about a pet peeve this week, because I'm still steaming over those small-minded morons who write malware (I can't be coherent with that rant yet), but I have another pet peeve.

Schedules.

I'm going to have to put myself on one. I don't like that prospect. I think of it as rigid structure, and I'm a hang-loose kinda gal. Maybe I watch the cats too much. Come to think of it, they do have a schedule: sleep, eat, wash, sleep some more, run around like a maniac, take a nap, eat too fast, puke, groom, stretch out and doze in the sun, beg for attention, sleep again. I could get into that schedule. LOL)

I haven't had a set schedule since graduate school. Even then, it was pretty loose. Yet I'm finding that I don't seem to get anything done without one.

Why is that? I don't have ADD, I'm reasonably intelligent, and I just don't understand where the days go. I'm a list-maker, but this summer that no longer does the trick. I find I can't keep up. The To-Do lists keep getting longer.

Does this happen to you, too? How do you handle getting all of your to-do lists accomplished?

Hugs,
Liddy

Finally! I'm back on-line!

2006-07-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone! Did you miss me?

Whew, July was an awful month from a computer perspective. When Mistah Midnight rebuilt my hard drive from scratch - the malware was sooooo persistent, he couldn't eradicate it - and got ready to set up my internet connection, Comcast went down for two whole days! Talk about wretched timing. With the heat that's expected this week, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the system stays up. (Darned hard to type like this, too.)

Since I've been unable to blog or reach my email or anything, and my absence went on for so long, I'm going to extend the contests that are associated with this blog until the end of August. If you were counting on being a big fish in a little pond and having better odds to win a bracelet, I apologize. But not much. :grin:

So in July, the good stuff that happened is that the edits for ROGUES are wrapped up, the cover art request has been submitted, and TRANSFORMATIONS is now available in print! Pretty cool stuff, if I do say so myself. I'm waiting to get a release date for ROGUES, the futuristic menage a trois featuring a psychic, a vampire and a werewolf that I wrote with Cricket Starr. It's really fun, and I can't wait to hear your opinions on it.

So, what have all of you been doing, while I was fighting the good fight against the electronic gremlins?

Hugs,
Liddy

What they don't tell you, Part One

2006-07-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

A friend of ours says frequently of me and Mistah Midnight, "Between the two of you, is there anything you don't know something about?" Moogie tells me, "I learn something every time I talk to you."

So today I thought I'd begin to share some of those little truths that can make a big difference in your life. Well, in some small way. LOL

You know how the cable companies are now offering cheap telephone service? I see and hear their commercials all the time. For as little as $30 a month, you can have unlimited long-distance connectivity and all the talk time you want. (Provided you subscribe to their cable service, of course.)

What they don't tell you is that their service isn't nearly as reliable as your land-line telephone. Most of us grew up with the good old reliable Bell phone service, knowing that even when the power was out, we could pick up the handset and get a dial tone. Makes reporting that power outage a good deal easier, doesn't it?

Most important consideration: When you lose electricity to your house for whatever reason, all cable functions halt. We have family members who use cable telephone service and plan to use their cellular phones as back-ups in case of a power failure. If you live in an area where your cellular coverage is iffy (we live in one of the many Black Holes of Nextel) or your power is out for an extended period of time, you're cut off. How many of us bought a six-pack of additional cell phone batteries AND remember to keep them all charged? Emergencies aren't scheduled or announced ahead of time, so we don't get any time to prepare. On top of that, relying on your cell phone in case of emergencies can overload that system. When that happens, as it often does, no calls get through. This can also prevent emergency service crews from doing their jobs, since many of them now rely on cellular phones for communication themselves. If the power outage is widespread, even the cellular towers will go down.

This is a major concern for anyone who has a life-threatening medical condition that might require treatment. The very old or very young might need assistance in extremely hot or cold weather. Being able to call for help is of paramount importance.

Conclusion: Unless you have no concerns over being totally incommunicado in the case of a power outage, cable telephone is not for you.

Blogging for prizes!

2006-07-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've got news for you! There are two places I know of right now where you can merely post a comment and be eligible to win some very desirable prizes.

The first one is going on RIGHT NOW! Hasten over to Moonglade Elite Authors and check out the blog! Rachel Carrington is there today, and she'll be giving away some swag. I know the site isn't officially open yet, but we're already getting traffic. Don't miss out on this opportunity!

Then, I encourage you to help me with a month-long party! Yes, celebrate the opening of Liddy Midnight's newly redesigned web site!

Throughout the month of July, each time you post a comment on my blog (that would be right here!), you'll have another chance to win one of a variety of charm bracelets, themed to my stories! Yes, you could be jingling a Blue Moon, Fire and Ice, Yellow Butterfly, Black Dragon or spectrum Elementals bracelet on your wrist. All of these will be awarded, each one to a different lucky winner. Oh, and don't forget her newest design, a Purple Passion bracelet that matches my new site design. Winners will be announced in the August issue of The Stroke, my newsletter.

Along with the redesigned site, I have a new format for my newsletter, The Stroke. One charm bracelet, winner's choice, will be given away to one lucky newsletter subscriber at the end of July! The winner will be announced in the August issue.

I hope to hear from you and see YOUR name among the winners!

Tonight we're going to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I've heard it's too long, akin to Superman Returns, but hey, I'll drink in the sight of Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom for an extra half-hour, no problem! We're going to get there early, because a friend already picked up the tickets and was told by the cashier that that show sold out yesterday. We'd like to sit together.

Don't you hate it when a theater gets full enough that there are only single seats left, scattered all over? That's almost as bad as having to sit in the front row. That kills your neck, you're likely to miss things that happen in the far corners of the picture, and you feel in danger of falling into the screen. Oh, wait, I think there's a story there...

Pet Peeve of the Week - Big Houses and Nursing Homes

2006-07-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

Why on earth do I lump McMansions and nursing homes together? Because I think they're responsible for changes in our culture that have led to my latest peeve: inconsideration.

Don't you hate encountering people who are oblivious to those around them? I'm talking about idiots who get off an elevator or escalator and just stand there, blocking traffic. I'm talking about morons who think they're driving the only car in existence - frequently taking up two lanes or two parking spaces. I'm talking about people who empty their cart at the grocery store and can't be bothered to return it to the cart corrals. I'm talking about people who talk loudly on cell phones in public places. I'm talking about people who crank up the volume on their iPod so high that the rest of the world can hear the music as it comes through their skulls.

These are all inconsiderate people.

So, I hear you cry, where do big houses and nursing homes come into it? The prevalence of those structures has permitted too many of us to avoid interacting with anyone. If that goes on long enough, we become unable to conduct ourselves properly in society.

All of us, adults as well as children, used to be crowded together, often with three or four generations sharing living space. There was no "me generation". There couldn't be, because we all had to get along. (We couldn't afford NOT living together because we lived within our means, but that's another rant, for another week.) We had to learn to deal with other people, to compromise, to communicate. To be considerate. To care for each other.

Grandma or Grandpa didn't move off to a retirement residence, to then be shunted into a nursing home, and go from there to a funeral home. Nope, they were part of the family, always present, contributing irritable demands and amusing stories if nothing else. Children didn't have the luxury of retiring to their unshared rooms, complete with their own computer, phone and full media center. No one hid by plugging into an iPod or a mobile phone headset, avoiding conversation and interaction.

Oh, and too many parents have bought into the crap about the importance of their child's self-esteem. One can't criticize the little miscreants because it might stunt their self-esteem. Well, not knocking that out-of-control ego into proper proportion creates bullies and unrealistic expectations of life. Not every high school graduate is going to find a job starting at $30 an hour, let alone become Bill Gates. Not every high school dropout is going to make it as a hip-hop star. Letting them believe that is a grave disservice to them.

My self-esteem is quite healthy, thank you very much, and I got spanked the few times I needed it. So's the self-esteem of Mistah Midnight, and his mother was - still is - a crack shot with a fly swatter. Those metal mesh flaps really got the message across to a bare leg. I imagine today's plastic models sting just as much.

When we rattle around in big houses and are tended by strangers in nursing homes, we don't grow up learning the right things to do. Respect for our elders isn't part of our daily lives, because we don't see our elders every day. Hell, some parents and children living in the same house don't see each other every day! What's up with that?

When I hear or read a news story about a family where a child commits a serious crime, the parents are often genuinely horrified and confused. They're successful people, these parents. They have good jobs, they make good money, they give their kids everything they want - everything they didn't have when they were growing up. How on earth did it happen? You can tell from the interviews that they don't really know their own children, who their friends are, what they do all day. They don't communicate. That's tragic.

My theory is that most of these people live in big houses, with a full entertainment suite in every huge bedroom. And their grand-parents aren't there, either. Sometimes it takes a grandmother with a fly swatter to set a kid straight.

Creating a Safe Haven

2006-07-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

No, not really, my house was safe before, but a few years ago, we put in central air conditioning. I love it! Since then, I've been meaning to get some blinds or some curtains up in the east windows on the first floor. That morning sun is brutal, and sets the climate for the day.

This week, I did just that. I discovered vinyl miniblinds, for less than 4 bucks apiece at either Home Cheapo or Wally's World. Woo-hoo! Our windows, which we put in a few years before we got the AC, are a standard size AND all the same. Double woo-hoo!

Takes no more than 10 minutes per window to install each one, using our trusty Milwaukee cordless drill - and that includes time spent adjusting and fiddling with the pull-cords. If you use the little plastic goobers that stop the shade from dropping completely open, as in all 64 inches, you can put a blind on the front door and have it just cover the window! I've gone nuts with these. Today I'm going to install another set in the laundry room and the room-darkening ones in our bedroom. Those were mondo expensive - sheesh, almost $10 each! Try buying sheers or lace curtains plus rods for that, and odds are those will need hemming to fit.

Oh, and the laundry has piled up this week. Guess I need to worry a plot while I sort, load, switch, fold and stow all those socks and shorts and tee shirts. I have some of my best ideas while folding laundry, although I must confess I've also lost some in the basket. They're probably keeping company with all those lonely socks whose mates accumulate atop the washer, waiting for the lost to reappear. They're so depressing that once a year I have to toss them. Guess I could stuff their toes full of catnip and turn them into cat toys, but we have enough of those underfoot.

Have a wonderful weekend, and a great holiday, if you're stretching the weekend into a vacation! I'll be writing and admiring my new blinds. They do keep the sun out in the morning, which will save the world some energy and us some money. I love walking around the house at night and feeling that I'm invisible to the world.

Of course, I also can't see the monsters just outside the windows, but if they stay outside, they don't really matter and that's a good thing, isn't it?

Stay cool!

Pet Peeve of the Week - misused words

2006-06-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

Learning what I'm doing as a writer has gone a long way to ruining pleasure reading for me. It's sooooo hard to turn off that pesky Internal Editor! I find myself jerked out of the page by typos and grammatical errors. My IE will shriek, "OMG! Just look at that! Why didn't anyone catch that in editing?" Or even worse, "Why on earth did anyone publish this POS?"

I've gotten a lot out of reading and submitting to the Crabby Cows. The blog began as an effort to assist writers who are serious about honing their craft, with a glimpse into the minds of a pair of skilled and entertaining professional editors. It has grown far beyond that, developing into an entertaining and informative writers' community.

Along with their sister ruminant Grouchy Goat, the Crabby Cows are refreshingly honest (and use the F-word a lot!) in both their scathing crits and their flights of fancy. If you're easily offended or have a thin skin, don't bother reading their blog or participating in their weekly 'games'.

I find them udderly delightful.

Which brings me to the Pet Peeve of the Week. They may not all relate to writing, but trust me, I can always find a soapbox to climb on!! With effort, I will limit myself to only one rant per week. A serious challenge, but I'm strong.

Misused words irritate the hell out of me.

First, there are those that look or sound alike. Using hoard and horde interchangeably is an error I see a lot. Personally, I'd rather face a hoard than a horde.

My favorite typo of all time in fiction is the substitution of 'prostate' for 'prostrate'. In the final scene of The Scotsman Wore Spurs by Patricia Potter, the hero lay prostate in bed. What a priceless image!

My favorite typo in nonfiction appeared in an annual report of Manufacturers Hanover Bank in the late 1980s, in which a reference was made to their "certified pubic accountants". 'Nuff said.

When I write, if I'm not certain of the meaning of a word, I'll use my Word Processor's thesaurus function. Takes less than a second and gives me an idea whether I'm on track. BTW, the difference between horde and hoard is immediately apparent using that method of verification for either one. I adore words, so it's dangerous for me to grab my well-thumbed thesaurus off the shelf and begin to browse. Same goes for the dictionary - I could be distracted for days!

Shades of meaning make a big difference in context. Sometimes I'll come across a writer who relies on her WP's thesaurus without ever considering the difference between the possibilities it shows her.

For example, if you've used the word 'unlikely' too many times in several paragraphs (for those of you who aren't writers, that's one of the things an editor will look for, so we work to cultivate the habit of noticing repetition) and look for synonyms by using your WP's thesaurus, you come up with the following list:

improbable
unbelievable
incredible
fantastic
far-fetched
doubtful

Can these words be used willy-nilly? Do they all mean the same thing? NO! To be precise, not all of them have the same meaning. Some can be used interchangeably, some can't. This is where considering shades of meaning is absolutely necessary.

"It's doubtful that he'll be there." That's not the same thing as, "It's fantastic that he'll be there." As a matter of fact, that's a big difference!

The dictionary can sort things out, but not while it's closed, sitting on the shelf. You have to take the time to pick it up and look up the alternatives presented by the thesaurus. Oh, and then you have to pay attention to what you learn and apply it. Yes, writing is a four-letter word that ends in K.

That would be WORK.

Now language does shift and change over time. Meanings of certain words expand and contract. One change I've noticed is the use of 'nauseous' for 'nauseated'. Once upon a time, 'nauseous' meant 'to cause nausea' but it has been expanded in popular usage to include 'affected with nausea'. Being both a traditionalist and a stubborn bitch, I continue to use it in its older sense. (Anyone calling me a bitch isn't a problem. I'm the Alpha Bitch, so I consider it a term of respect. And I do bite - but I've had my rabies shots. LOL)

Come back next week for a new Pet Peeve!

Spam and scams

2006-06-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

Geez, since my email address went up on a few websites, the unsolicited messages I get at my LiddyMail address has grown by leaps and bounds. Does this bug you, too?

What is it with these morons? I don't want to read anything from them. I actively work to eliminate their dreck.

Who could possibly think that defeating my spam filters by misspelling words will make me more likely to read their message? "Oh, yeah, this message was written by a non-native English speaker with a second-grade education AND hawks things I'd never want - let's send them my credit card information!" Or not.

With all the malware out there, riding on images and hiding in applets, there's no way I would ever click through to an unknown site from someone offering to enlarge my penis or make an erection last an unnatural length of time.

Trust me, if I had a penis, as a woman I could make a lot of money without enlarging it, and who other than a porn star - whose income depends on how much film (as well as other things) he can put in the can - wants an erection that lasts for hours? As I sometimes say to Mistah Midnight, "If you've got that much energy, get out there and mow the lawn!"

For a fabulous editorial analysis of several such messages, visit the Crabby Cows site. For a belly laugh about the infamous "Nigerian" scam, visit the 3rd Nigerian E-Mail Conference site.

Who would ever fall for that one? You know, the e-mail from the widow of the undersecretary of oil for an obscure country ruled by an evil dictator. She's fabulously wealthy AND terminally ill, and she has selected YOU from all the other dopes on the planet to help her with this little problem. She needs YOUR help in getting the money out of the country and securing that wealth for the deserving charities she's decided should have it. You will - of course! - receive a generous portion for your invaluable assistance and minimal investment. All you have to do is send her all of your bank account info and a blank check.

Yeah, right. Who is crazy or greedy enough to hand over all their financial information to a stranger who just happened to pick their name out of the phone book?

Which brings me to another, totally unrelated topic. LOL ::placing tongue firmly in cheek:: Whose idea was it to remove the third arm from that Chinese infant? He could have had a life of ease, letting scientists study him and the public gawk, if they'd left him alone. If he wanted to be a productive member of society, think of how efficient he'd be working on an assembly line!

Face transplants, supernumerary limb removal, growth hormones, where will it stop??? And just where are all those circuses going to get their sideshow freaks, if we keep fixing them? (Please be aware that I'M NOT SERIOUS! It was a momentary ridiculous notion meant to entertain, nothing more. Although there may be a story in there somewhere...)

Getting things done

2006-06-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

Finding time to do anything is getting to be more and more of a challenge. Is it for you, too? I can't believe that it's just me. I feel like every time I turn around, I have a longer To-Do list.

Capture that fabulous idea, get that new story outlined, turn in the next book.

Feed the cats, change the filters in the fish tank, scoop the litter pans.

Get to the market, put the wash in the dryer, clear the dirty dishes out of the sink.

Pull together material for another newsletter, send the new review links to my webmistress, and BLOG!

I adore my new web site design. In case you hadn't seen the teeny-tiny print at the bottom of each page, Moonglade Designs now handles all of my designs and updates. M.L. Benton is a treasure. I highly recommend her. She has a waiting list, and rightfully so. I'm tickled that I found her, and that she consented to work for me.

However (don't you love how there's always a "However"?), I have to admit that I got a lot more than I expected when I hired M.L., and certainly a hell of a lot more than I'm paying for. She doesn't charge nearly enough for her services, but don't tell her that, okay? Her list of services on her site doesn't begin to cover everything she does for me.

Yesterday she picked up the phone and called because I had failed to answer or acknowledge her command for me to get some text up here on her beautiful blog. Now, Moogie (my mom, and yes, she is named after Quark's mother on Deep Space 9) does that when I don't call her back right away, but I cut her some slack. Moogie's over 80 and she's begun to claim she can't predict how much longer she'll be around, so if she has something to tell me or ask me, she wants to get it done right now. A good line, and I'll just bet she's been waiting years to use it. The woman walks three miles every other day and is healthier than I am.

As for why I hadn't gotten back to M.L., I was busy trying to whittle that To-Do list down to a more manageable length before I added anything else to it! I've got a looming deadline and all those dishes in the sink, you know? Well, she was worried that something had happened to me. (It had. My To-Do list was wrapped around my neck, choking me!) At any rate, I was touched by her concern, and while she had my undivided attention, she gave me a bunch of other things to add to that pesky To-Do list.

Get that newsletter material to her. Schedule some chats and interviews and line up some book signings. Let her know as soon as I get that fully-executed contract back for the next book. And, of course, get all the details to her so she can fill some of those pages on my new site.

I wonder if I can use the GMail function and M.L.'s messages to replace my To-Do list. It would be so much safer to track my tasks on-line, where I won't find the list threatening to kill me or lose track of one list in the papers on my desk and start another. (Hey, wait a minute, weren't computers supposed to get rid of paper? They've just made it easier to print multiple copies of the document you don't want right now!)

If it weren't for M.L. and her fond nagging - to say nothing of that whip she keeps handy, I wouldn't be blogging right now. I wouldn't have some cool new stuff coming from her, like crossword puzzles and postcards and a photo gallery. I wouldn't have a few articles up on the site, including one on time management. I think I'd better review that one. I might pick up a trick or two.

Now let me know, is it just me who has trouble getting things done? And how do you manage to accomplish your work, household chores and still have fun?

Currently reading and enjoying: LOOT by Aaron Elkins